After all these years it's NOW starting to show itself...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Penholder, Apr 16, 2013.

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  1. Penholder

    Penholder New Member

    I was sexually molested by my stepfather from the time I was 3 1/2 until I was 8 and he was put in jail. It did not really affect my life in any major way most of my life. I didn't have I had a few nightmares here and there but nothing major. I would say that the only real affect it had on me was that I am extremely, painfully shy and find a hard time trusting people until I know them for a long time. I did have depression as a teenager and I was a cutter, resulting in two hospital stays but I am not sure if it was a result of the abuse or just everything else in my life like being homeless 3 times and my mom moving us all around the place and her numerous boyfriends (one of which had showed me his genitals on numerous occasions). I am 24 now and I am a full time college student who got a late start at it. The monster was released from prison almost a year ago and it really didnt bother me too much...until now. It really all seems to be hitting me now. For the past few weeks I have been crying constantly, having nightmares, thinking about everything that happened to me. It seems to have started in my Abnormal Psych class when working on the chapter on sexual abuse and pedophilia. I have been thinking about everything that is going wrong in my life and I have been thinking about suicide. I don't know what to do. I always thought that I was stronger than some people who went through what I did and that it didn't affect me, but maybe it really did. I cant afford to got to any kind of therapy. I don't want to hurt myself but I feel that it's the only way out.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It is not at all surprising that it has become an issue. You are old enough and intelligent enough to want to understand and the there is not explanation that makes it possible to understand such actions by another human being (term used loosely). There are an unfortunate number of people with such experiences here that may be able to act as a sounding board for you.
    I admire the strength you have shown and the accomplishments achieved so far and hope you can find some support here.

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Penholder what you are feeling hun it happens to many of us that were abused. My emotions were kept buried for over 30 yrs wasn't until my daughter was sexually abused all those emotions started surface hun for me. I do hope now hun you reach out to the councillors at your school a therapist someone that can help you cope with emotions
    There are supports hun i hope you reach out in real life now and get them and i hope you continue to use SF for support too hugs
     
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Total Eclipse is spot on. Also look for survivors' self help groups and help lines. As NJYmp says the forum on here for Rape and abuse demonstrates how many have suffered. I'm glad you found us. Hope it helps.
     
  5. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    I am sad to read your story. My advice to you is to become strong and not break down. You are a college student despite having gone through so many troubles. This shows that you have inner strength. I would suggest you pray to God to give you strength to overcome your troubles. We all go through troubles and tribulations. I have never been sexually molested but I can imagine the pain it causes. But I went through other hassles like that. Keep writing here and I am sure people will send you supporting ideas. Venting out your emotions is always a good thing.
    Praying to God and to have faith in a higher power to whom we could turn in times or crises is always a good thing.
     
  6. Penholder

    Penholder New Member

    You you all so much. It does help to know that I am not alone and that there are people out there to talk to. I have a huge family but everyone is too busy with their on problems I hate to bother them with mine which ultimately makes me feel alone.
    @prakash I have had a rough life but I am sure there are people who have had it worse off than me. I do feel blessed for what I have and who I am becoming but I just need to figure out a way to cope with these feelings I'm having.
     
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