After suicide attempt

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by 4:48psychosis, Jan 24, 2011.

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  1. 4:48psychosis

    4:48psychosis Member


    So i've been a member here for a while but have hardly posted.

    OK so here's the details of my suicide attempt (last year). I don't know if details are allowed to be written here, so my apologies if they aren't. If they aren't, then by all means remove this thread.

    I have a terrible/non-existent sleeping pattern, and as such, regularly get prescribed zopiclone. I saved them up over a few months for my suicide attempt.

    But I also wanted to feel myself dying, rather than just drifting away, so planned to set myself on fire.

    So xxxxxxxxxxx - went to the local garage (service station in US?) to get some - came back home, sat in the bath xxxxxxxxxxxx, but lost consciousness before I could xxxxxxxxx.

    Found and taken to the hospital/all the usual crap etc etc

    Anyway i'm sure it won't be the last attempt. Nothing changed since. Nothing ever does. Nothing ever can. It doesn't matter if we prolong our lives - we all die anyway. When the light is out it is out. This bit in the middle i.e. life is a bag of crap. The fact that it ends makes it pointless. And it doesn't mater what legacy we leave behind - it may be remembered for a few generations, but will it be remebered in 10,000,000 years time? No. It's all pointless.

    Maybe the only ones who are resurrected are those who are brave enough to disperse of this shell. Maybe it's a test.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 24, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    How are you doing now? Please share with us what is going on for you; there are many ppl here who can surely relate...J
  3. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    I hope you're OK.
  4. Username332

    Username332 New Member

    I've had the same thoughts as you. What is the point when everything will eventually be forgotten? Try to find something that's worthwhile and that brings joy to you. If life is meaningless you might as while enjoy it while it lasts. Please don't try suicide again, there is always something or someone that can help you to be happy.
  5. marsb

    marsb Member

    There is a gene that causes sleep deprivation, not very many people have this but it might be a start for some help. If you by chance are one of these people who have this understanding this might be your first step to coming to terms with it.
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    EVERYTHING changes, indeed, we are witnessing it now.

    One day you wake up, maybe thinking nothing changes and a 9.0 earthquake changes everything. For others, a simple demonstration turns out to be civil war or revolution in progress.

    I think social changes will be coming to the West also. We will be waking up one day soon to see things shaken up. These social changes, in many ways, might well strike a chord in many who are not only depressed but also perhaps waking up to a world in which many wrongs need to be righted.

    Who does not feel bad just watching the news for instance? In a few minutes, your view of the world might well become cynical.

    Of course, we'll all be forgotten within a few generations. This is only natural as people we know die off and eventually the last person who knew us is dead. But in the scheme of things is Napoleon any better off right now than Joe Bloggs who maybe lives a good but uneventful life?

    As for meaning - well, there we have a topic of debate which has lingered on for 6000 years of recorded human history via the archaeological remains in the form of language. We'd be fools to not examine what others have said on the matter. I mean all the great thinkers through the ages from philosophy, to religion and politics. Surely some of those people have helped us in being able to communicate ideas which we might otherwise never really think about.

    After all, right now in this world there are 6 billion of us. Add up all the billions from the 6000 years of recorded written history and its not a big issue if we are not in the top ten is it?

    As individuals we will have our own talents, skills and callings in life. It's no shame to hold your hand up and say "I'm not intelligent enough to actually work out what life is". You need facts before you can work anything out let alone life. Trouble is, with life, we're deluged with lies, so finding the answers might well be easier when you simply read how the Greeks, Romans, Egyptians and so on thought life might be explained. Documentaries are good also if your not in the mood to read.

    I've read a lot over the years - and spoke to a lot of people also. People find meaning in all manner of things but for most people, happiness is something they desire. Love also and friendship. A feeling of being wanted, of being useful in some way. I mean, you might get a job as a road-sweeper, and find that your getting more meaning out of that job than you would if you were supervising 25 other people to basically ponce about pretending they are doing something that actually matters!

    All we can do is the right thing in our lifetimes. That way we've at least bettered the world a little bit for the next generations. I thank the Romans for building roads when they invaded. I know some man, had to dig the things up, cart stone to the site, quarry the stone and so on.

    You could be strolling down some street tomorrow, feeling down in the dumps, and meet someone who says something that sets the wheels of motion for you to fall in love. At that point, I guess everyone, if but for a brief time, finds meaning! You won't walk her to the nearest cliff and tell her "none of this is worth it, lets jump" - odds are you'd cherish the time you had - even be thankful that, for whatever reason, the universe had conjured you up, given you the gift of conciousness and in turn blessed you in allowing to feel alive.

    I won't say you might win the lottery. I mean, you might, but odds are its more likely you'll be struck by lightning. Maybe then you'd be remembered for a few generations as the 'simple uncle from way back, tried to take shelter under a pylon - uncle Sparky'.

    Life is a mystery, so perhaps seeing no point in a mystery is a bit hasty. And life IS a mystery, because we truly do not know what happens to us when we die. If we are somehow still concious and a soul or spirit then I'm sure that we will not care that there are no memorials to the greatness of our own selves.

    If you asked someone who loves surfing what is the point in surfing, some might say 'the point of surfing is to surf'. So it is with life in many ways. The point of life is in the living.

    Hope some of this helps.

    Good luck to you in your recovery!
  7. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    I need to delete this post, sorry.
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