After Two Months Clean...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by altek001, Nov 9, 2006.

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  1. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    I did it again last night. Nothing huge and over-the-top...just..enough to sate myself.

    ...I broke the most important promise I ever made her. To not cut...and that hurts far worse than the blade ever would...I just kept repeating to myself as I was doing it that 'she doesn't have to know...they don't have to know...nobody has to know...' Except for you all..'cos I'm telling you...

    Why I did doesn't matter anymore because it's passed and in the past and seems all better now...

    ...But my moment of weakness will stick with me as long as it will take the cuts to close and still longer for the scars will always stand as reminders of how far I've made it and what I really don't want to become again..someone who cut excessively and moderately obsessively..If anything, pray I don't start again. I just want this to be just a one-time episode.

    Thank you for making a safe place for me to post this. ^.^
    - Henry
  2. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Im sorry Henry you felt the urge to cut again. Hope you can stay strong and let this be a "one time episode". Just think about the good times youve had when the scares finally started to fade away, and how good it felt to be able to wear a t-shirt again without being paranoied anyone noticing the cuts. Stay strong Henry and dont blame yourself, im sure you had something triggering it. I believe you can do it without cutting, ive faith in you. Sending caring thoughts, Beret
  3. eva

    eva Member

    I am so sorry you had that urge and did it. I myself had been clean for a month and last night I broke my promise and did it. Life just seems like it's gotten much much too worse for me again and I hate it. And I did it. Now this morning, I hate myself even more for it. Good luck to you and gaining back your ability to not cut, I am working very hard on mine.
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