Again *might trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by blueskyx, Oct 23, 2014.

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  1. blueskyx

    blueskyx Member

    This is my post here...

    I have anxiety and depression and the first time I cut was when I was having a fight with my friend. That time I feel really lost and didn't know what to do, so I did it.
    And then the next time I do it again and again. My cut gets deeper and deeper day by day.. Even when I'm not feeling sad, I have the urge to cut, and I have these voices inside my head shouting at me telling me to cut. I feel like cutting is a part of routine, I talked about this with my counselor and I did try to stop but I feel really uneasy when I don't cut for weeks and in the end I did it again.
    There's time where I really regret for cutting because it hurts and promised myself not to cut again, but I can't control myself... I feel like I love the smell of blood and those time where I have to use a towel to stop my hand from bleeding... and the voices in my head were saying "it doesn't matter if you cut, no one cares"

    I feel so lost, part of me want to stop cutting and part of me really love cutting..
  2. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    Its a tough thing for us to deal with that have this issue of self harming - that wanting (needing) to stop cutting, whilst, that feeling we get from cutting. I've stopped totally, and I'm not sure exactly why, or how I did it, It was causing me more hurt I guess.

    Those voices lie, and they are causing you to harm your precious body, so you need to ignore those voices. How, medication is most likely the answer along with your therapy. I'm no expert on how to keep your voices in check by any means, so please take advice from me with a grain of salt.

    I hope you and your counselor will get you to the point when you will stop totally.

    Cutting is just ugly, and I hate my scars, although I don't hide them anymore.

    Good luck seriously.
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