Again(triggering)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by AfterFact, Jun 7, 2013.

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  1. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I cut again, I never could fully stop despite 5 years. I don't know why I did it. I guess I was angry, I needed a escape from reality. It worked in a way. I don't care about anything right now. Yet I'm afraid, so afraid. And I'm so numb. I probably vowed to stopped hundreds of times. Yet here I am today, 5 years later, nearly a month clean and sober from drugs and alcohol. But I just couldn't give up self-harm. No, I could stop drinking. I could stop getting high but cutting? Fuck that. At least that's what I thought. "Fuck it." That sums up my attitude right now and the truth is if I had access to drugs or alcohol right now I wouldn't hesitate to drug myself into oblivion. But I can't do that anymore. So I'm left with fear, fear of what I'm doing to myself. Yet not fearful enough to stop it.
    I don't know what to say anymore. I'm running out of places to hide. I'm running out of space. I'm hurt, and it has nothing to do with the wounds on my arms.
     
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    There is something apart from addiction that links drugs, alcohol, and self harm (most varieties anyway), and that is the use of your hands picking up what is needed. As you have said you could stop the drink and drugs, you may find you actually could stop the self harm too, but are you up to looking at what you do and how that has as much of an impact, if not more, on the way you are/see yourself/how others see you?
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think it is very important to have support when trying to do such difficult things. Is there any counseling or support group you can attend so you are not alone? and please keep posting so you have a place to express how you are feeling
     
  4. AfterFact

    AfterFact Well-Known Member

    I have a person in AA that has experience with self harm, but since I'm moving in less than 3 weeks I don't really have time to go to conseling. There's AA, and I can talk about it to a point.
     
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