again im posting here. i should get fucking cancer since im too much of a pathetic pussy to actually end my fucking life. . 4 years. 4 fucking years since that time i tried to kill myself. didnt succeed. didnt get it right. had surgery like 3 weeks ago. "am i dead?", was the first thing i said after waking up from the anesthesia. wish id fucking died in the or. the surgeon gave me pain medication. i havent been taking it just to feel pain and to hurt and punish myself. been cutting too. nothings enough. I. WANT. TO. DIE. im fucking done. i dont fucking care. i want to be 6 fucking feet under. fuck everything. fuck everyone. hatreds all i fucking have. I WANT TO BE DEAD. DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD.