Again...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by expressive_child, Aug 1, 2007.

  1. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member

    I cry a little bit last night. Its been many many weeks since I actually cry. I didn't cry out loud, though I try to. Why did I cry? I remember when I was a kid, mum and dad used to bring me to the beach once in a while. We were a happy family. I miss those times, we were truly happy back then. I realize now, why do I love those days so much. Not only because those memories are the least sweet memories I have in my life but also because mum won't find reasons to scold me when we are at the beach and dad will be fishing instead of using me to vent out his frustrations.

    I always refused to go home until dad seriously insisted. Yeah, those were the times I feel carefree and needn't have to worry about making mistakes and getting punished for that. I thought of going to the beach again this weekend but I am not sure if it will make me feel better or otherwise. In a way, I still like the beach. It could remind me of happier days and I thought it would be good for me to go to place I used to love so much before the end comes. Maybe I can even stay and watch the sunset for the first time. I never got a chance to watch it last time since we never stay long anyway. Is it beautiful? Yeah, I suppose it is.

    Is there such thing as dying a beautiful death? I guess that will be one sweet and peaceful escape from suffering..
     
  2. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    Yeah, carefree days at the beach are the best. I was at the beach for a little bit today (the perks of being a local :biggrin:)- and I still love it.

    As I live on the East coast, I can say that I've only seen a sunset over the ocean on the west coast, and the one time I saw it, it was beautiful.

    Things suck as you get older... but things get better, too. You know what I mean?

    :hug: You feeling okay today?
     
  3. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I love the beach. It's so beautiful, sunsets are the most beautiful things in the world :)
    As long as it won't trigger you I think you should go there, just remember the good times like you said. :hug:
     
  4. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member


    How does it get better? I mean, like how? I went out with my friend yesterday cos we both need a new job and it didn't turn out well, and we chickened out so much. As I got home last night, I was lying in my bed and trying to dream away but think of the beach instead.

    Yeah thats how I got reminded of those days at the beach. I like looking for those seashells a lot, sand castle, you know thing like that. I just felt the urge that I need some solace, so I thought going there could be good for me. I always hope for thing to get better as I am going through the motions.
     
  5. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member


    Yeah I think I want to go there and hopefully I can enjoy some solitary moments myself. But I honestly don't know how will I feel being there.
     
  6. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    What kind of job are you looking for? If you live close to the beach, you can always find one there- trust me, I work at the boardwalk/beach, and we always need people.

    Want to know the job search gets better? Here's proof:

    Last summer my dad got laid off from a job he'd only had about two years. The company downsized, and they really did not want to let him go but they had to (such is business). So, we spent nine months living on my mother's cute little church job that paid less than $10 bucks an hour, and she only worked a few hours each week. I lived on my own minimum-wage-plus job until the summer ended. And we also lived on the welfare checks, since my dad is the primary breadwinner.

    Around Christmas we had a job offer. We were THISCLOSE, but then the week of Christmas the company was like, "Sorry! Gave it to someone else. Have a nice life BYE."

    Then in March my dad got a job, finally. And it wound up being an extremely crappy job. And then in July they fired him.

    And now, he just got (as of today in paperwork) a nice paying job that was one he was looking for.

    Not only that, I filled out applications to about ten places on the boardwalk in March 2006. Then in May 2006 I got a call from one of them, and I still workt there today.

    There's proof the job search gets better.

    Just be confident. And if you can't be confident, fake it. Just swallow your fear when you see those Help Wanted signs and go in and ask.

    It's really the swimming in the ocean that does it for me. But whatever works for you is fine.

    Things will get better, I promise. Though they don't seem like it right now, they will. :hug:
     
  7. expressive_child

    expressive_child Well-Known Member


    Wow, I guess this proves things get better when we least expect it? Yea I hope so. I can relate to what happen to your dad, I change jobs a couple of times before. Once a school wanted to hire me as a substitute teacher and the very day I am supposed to start working, they told me it was a mistake cos there is a miscommunication between the principal and the person in charge and just like that - ooopppsss..sorry, I didn't get the job.

    Haha..I can never forget that! I like music so I thought I could work in a music store but I can't find any vacancies around here. I thought I could find any other job or something around here, but with my poor spinal condition my choices are limited and maybe thats why I am so worried I guess. But what do you mean by faking it? I mean, just act like I am confident even though I am shaking inside? How do I start? I mean is there something I can do to enable myself to fake it? Do I just smile and walk in and ask? I certainly hope this works.

    Too bad I don't live by the sea and nowhere near the sea but I would like to if I could. So I guess you are happy with your job now?