I cry a little bit last night. Its been many many weeks since I actually cry. I didn't cry out loud, though I try to. Why did I cry? I remember when I was a kid, mum and dad used to bring me to the beach once in a while. We were a happy family. I miss those times, we were truly happy back then. I realize now, why do I love those days so much. Not only because those memories are the least sweet memories I have in my life but also because mum won't find reasons to scold me when we are at the beach and dad will be fishing instead of using me to vent out his frustrations. I always refused to go home until dad seriously insisted. Yeah, those were the times I feel carefree and needn't have to worry about making mistakes and getting punished for that. I thought of going to the beach again this weekend but I am not sure if it will make me feel better or otherwise. In a way, I still like the beach. It could remind me of happier days and I thought it would be good for me to go to place I used to love so much before the end comes. Maybe I can even stay and watch the sunset for the first time. I never got a chance to watch it last time since we never stay long anyway. Is it beautiful? Yeah, I suppose it is. Is there such thing as dying a beautiful death? I guess that will be one sweet and peaceful escape from suffering..