Ok i am writing again because i am still in hope that there is someone here that might give support or something in similar. I really am sick of this life. I wanted to die so many times before the last years, and i still havent changed that must mean i should go. Being raped when little, being bullied all the time, no one that shows you love, i just cant take all that anymore. The rape happened 10 years ago, but everyday it feels like it just happened yesterday, because of that i cant have any relationships with boys. I tried but when it gets to physical i totaly black out and let anything happen without stopping it. It feels like all these feelings make me numb to the real pain. I had councelling and anti depressant and all that and it never worked, i overdoased, cut. The overdosing was always fun, just getting high and not feeling any of that emotional pain, well the cutting left me with ugly marks which will never go away. But it was my choice. But anyways i just think i cant take it anymore, i tried everything i can think of and nothing works, so i will try and end my life, that seems like the best idea i had in a while. I asked for help, i told people that i have feelings of suicide but no one listens and i guess all i want is someone to listen, someone that cares enough about me that it wont matter whats wrong with me, that they love me with my mistakes. Hasnt happened yet, but still kinda hopeful for it. Maybe someone here in this forum has some time and no judgement over a person with troubles.....i just want someone to talk to. PLease help me!