• Apologies for the issue with a bizarre redirect on the site earlier today. There was a large server update and an error in an IP address had the traffic routing wrongly. No hacking or anything nefarious and nothing to worry about. Sorry for any stress/anxiety caused. Very best wishes - SF Admin

Age of trauma

Lane

SF Supporter
#1
You are mentally the age of when trauma struck in your life. I sometimes feel like I have trouble talking about more serious issues or how to express issues. But, I was thinking that in order to move forward with one's healing, if we can recognize how we feel ( a therapist once said yo use first person, very difficult) it will be easier to move forward in life, emotionally. Like, heal from past wounds.

I think that, speaking for myself I can trace trauma back to age 6 but age 13 is when it really hurt. And, for many years I felt that age. Anyway, that notion was interesting to me. That we are "stuck" at the age of the trauma that occurred on our lives. Tbh although I'm an active member here, I feel kinda silly even posting this. I don't know why. K.
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
You shouldn't feel silly, i think this is a really valid opinion. I went through a trauma when i was 10, and i'd say i can also really struggle with getting some parts of my brain to move on from that time in my life.

I definitely wouldn't say it's like i'm entirely 10 years old mentally, naturally, but i think it does hinder some aspects of my development. So in some ways i'll always be a 10 year old kid. And i think the ways some people see me and treat me kinda reflects that, however unaware of it they and i may be.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#4
I think a person can get "stuck" in an age/time of trauma but I also know plenty of people who use therapy efficiently or were able to move past those things in other ways to become really well formed adults.
So you feel as though you're 13 in some ways. How do you think that's affecting you - is that all social?
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#5
I think a person can get "stuck" in an age/time of trauma but I also know plenty of people who use therapy efficiently or were able to move past those things in other ways to become really well formed adults.
So you feel as though you're 13 in some ways. How do you think that's affecting you - is that all social?
There are 2 therapists that do stand out in my mind @Walker. I was amazed that they even knew the effects of what talking about trauma had on the body afterwards.

I believe that, personally, my trauma has effected me in my romantic or intimate relationships. But, I've grown. A friend said once that wow, it's like you're still a teenager and that hurt a little. I may still have things to work through and this new notion that I heard recently struck me.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#6
A friend said once that wow, it's like you're still a teenager and that hurt a little. I may still have things to work through and this new notion that I heard recently struck me.
I can see how that would be bothersome, having someone tell you that...but it did give you something to think about and work towards (or away from?)
For what it's worth, you don't seem at all immature to me. I guess we're not dating but you seem quite normal to me from this distance.
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#7
I've heard of this before when I was reading about the internal family system model... except in that, it said that only parts of your personality would be that certain age, and then other parts of you grow in response to the trauma in an attempt to protect yourself in different ways.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#9
Trauma can stunt or start growth depends on the person.
I commend the workers that help people move past trauma. Personally, I had trouble in the group settings, where they let the group run itself. It escalated my stress at the time. But trauma recovery programs are life saving. I think people who suffer from bad experiences as a child leave themselves open more than other people who had happier experiences, to more traumatic experiences.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#10
I've heard of this before when I was reading about the internal family system model... except in that, it said that only parts of your personality would be that certain age, and then other parts of you grow in response to the trauma in an attempt to protect yourself in different ways.
Thank you for pointing that out @Paisley. I can see that. A therapist pointed out to me, one of these defense mechanisms and it blew me away. The way to become silent, fly under the radar, watch the fighting around me, the addictions, alcoholism and be silent. Sorry, I guess not so much now, ha
 

Bergerac

Lost are only those who abandon themselves
#11
This is a really interesting theory. Thanks for sharing.
I can fully relate to the fact that the first major trauma you experienced possibly shapes your formative years (if that's when it took place) and some of the unusual behaviours that stem from it. And, to a certain extent, a preoccupation and fixation with it. Of which, the duration taken forward (to the maximum distress) with be different for each person. Which will be in varying degrees, depending upon the unique character and experiences of the person. Their reactions and other factors in their life.
I think it's also important to remember that it may well advance, in comparison to our peers, in terms of wisdom, understanding and compassion. And, in that sense, lead us to an age far beyond what we are, mentally speaking.
So, instead of halting us there, if you're of the correct mentality and harness the the suffering as a blessing (entirely dependant on what the trauma was, no question) and use it to learn 'lessons' as perhaps intended, it can be the acceleration of us and the door to greater knowledge.
It is said that traumas can keep coming back to 'haunt' us, because the maximum potential of the information that was intended for you to learn from the 'lesson' has not been reached and the specific lessons it's chosen we're taught, stems from the gaps in our soul. Anyway, wandering into spiritualism there, and slightly off topic, so forgive me.
 
Last edited:

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#12
There are 2 therapists that do stand out in my mind @Walker. I was amazed that they even knew the effects of what talking about trauma had on the body afterwards.

I believe that, personally, my trauma has effected me in my romantic or intimate relationships. But, I've grown. A friend said once that wow, it's like you're still a teenager and that hurt a little. I may still have things to work through and this new notion that I heard recently struck me.
Hi Lane .what are the therapists names .Are they public figures or people you've seen .
Thanks .
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#13
This is a really interesting theory. Thanks for sharing.
I can fully relate to the fact that the first major trauma you experienced possibly shapes your formative years (if that's when it took place) and some of the unusual behaviours that stem from it. And, to a certain extent, a preoccupation and fixation with it. Of which, the duration taken forward (to the maximum distress) with be different for each person. Which will be in varying degrees, depending upon the unique character and experiences of the person. Their reactions and other factors in their life.
I think it's also important to remember that it may well advance, in comparison to our peers, in terms of wisdom, understanding and compassion. And, in that sense, lead us to an age far beyond what we are, mentally speaking.
So, instead of halting us there, if you're of the correct mentality and harness the the suffering as a blessing (entirely dependant on what the trauma was, no question) and use it to learn 'lessons' as perhaps intended, it can be the acceleration of us and the door to greater knowledge.
It is said that traumas can keep coming back to 'haunt' us, because the maximum potential of the information that was intended for you to learn from the 'lesson' has not been reached and the specific lessons it's chosen we're taught, stems from the gaps in our soul. Anyway, wandering into spiritualism there, and slightly off topic, so forgive me.
It's ok, I like thinking about the soul. I think it has a lot do with depression, when our soul is sad.
 

tlaud

Well-Known Member
#15
Thank you for pointing that out @Paisley. I can see that. A therapist pointed out to me, one of these defense mechanisms and it blew me away. The way to become silent, fly under the radar, watch the fighting around me, the addictions, alcoholism and be silent. Sorry, I guess not so much now, ha
Very interesting and critical info for someone who has experienced trauma, but unfortunately, the spouse/partner of the trauma victim has to also contend with the defense mechanisms affect on the victim's personality and behavior.
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$180.00
Goal
$255.00
Top