I had my appt this morning with my therapist, actually just getting home. She seems really nice, I don't think I'd have any problem with her, but if I never went back there again, I don't think I'd care. It just got on my nerves. She was talking about this man that took prednisone for a year and he really loved it, but it was starting to affect his heart, so now they won't let him have it anymore.. He tells his doctor he's 83, why's it matter. But they still wouldn't. Talk about a good kick to make you feel hopeless. But that's such bull. I know these medications have dangerous side effects, but you don't have to take them 365 days a year. She talked about how with that medication, or any really, that after you take it so long, you just get used to it, and end up needing more and more, and just talked like the whole process was pointless. She talked about how I took measures to feeling better, I have at times, not alot, overdosed to stop my pain, or ordered medications online, when my doctors didn't manage to help. And why would they want to give me medications when I was doing that. Well FK me... That really Ummmmmm... So how am I wrong? They've had 14 years to make me feel better and it never happened. I self-medicate with meds I get online, and I feel better than in the 11 yrs I've been seeing all those doctors. So why am I wrong? Because I don't want to accept that they say no to the very medications I need, because I refuse to lay around dog sick everyday if there is something I could do about it?? If I let them do that to me, mind as well give up now. For I'd have no hope. I don't know if I fkn want to go back. I also get the bull about how my chronic fatigue could be due to depression, even though I tried explaining that it wasn't. Didn't matter really, we are going to determine it and see. WTF ever. How many times do I need to say I wasn't depressed when I first got sick?? I was going to church and everything. I don't think I can deal with all this therapy bullshit, that's not what I need, what I need is to fkn feel better physically, and all this emotional bullshit would stop.