Agoraphobic and all alone.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by flowers, Aug 25, 2010.

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  1. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am all alone. and I do not do well in chatrooms. For me, they are a set up for feeling more alone.

    I live all alone. Am pretty much agoraphobic. I was barely hanging on but at least I could get out of the house to go to my therapist. And to do a bit of shopping. But the therapist dropped me when I got on disability and medicare. Not covered by medcare. So I am all alone now. No one. Growing more depressed and anxiety ridden each day. I go from panic attacks to depression. So I know what deep isolation and shame and dispair and desperation feels like. Therapist dropping me was "the straw that broke the camels back.

    I go from panic attacks to depression. last night it was panic attacks that kept me awake until 6 in the morning. today its deep depression. I have never felt this bad before. Losing the therapist was the last straw. I cannot trust enough to find another one. I am too fragile, weak and worn down. Dont have anymore fight in me. but I do not want to be so alone. I want someone to talk with on the phone or in chat. Pray to God every day to help this body to die. Still too scared to do it myself. But I am working on trying to desensitize myself to the fear of doing it myself. Got all of the matreials. But have to just work on the fear of the process. thank you for listening.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    your not alone you have us here listening and caring for you. Is there no way flowers you can get councilling another way new person new eyes new ears to hear sometimes things happen for areason okay A new person to talk to a new friend try it okay as gp to set you up with someone who truly cares abt you please don't stay isolated anymore the sadness will only get worse for you.
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    thanks Violet. I am not going to look for another therapist. But I can try to change my attitude and just keep saying "I will be provided" for. And that "things are okay". Prhaps if I say it enough I will manifest it.

    How are you doing? How is your daughter doing? I am saying prayers. Safe hugs for you, Violet
     
  4. Inker19

    Inker19 Well-Known Member

    I have always been agoraphobic as well and generally avoided places with large crowds of people. Since I've started taking anti-depressants, it has slowly started to contain itself and I don't feel nearly as nervous at stores or clubs as I used to be. Impossible to tell if the same would work for you, but it's worth a shot I'd say.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you deserve to have support flowers i hope in time you will give another one a chance. my girl od again at hospital her doctor was discharging her upsetting her she is suicidal but he does not care he will discharge her tommorrow anyways and if she dies it is his doing i am in surgery tomorrow scopes that all rule out cancer ulcers etc so i won't be there when she is released i hope he reconsiders and keeps her i truly do take care.
     
  6. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    It is so hard to find a good therapist who actually understands your situation.
    I've been to several different ones in the last couple of years and still havent quite been able to find one that fits with me.

    One thing I'm told alot and I understand- about agoraphobia and feeling negative constantly- you are the only person who can help you. You have to be your own therapist and have to want to change and be willing to do things that are terrifying and freak the hell out of you if you want to get better.

    I'm still not better yet.
    I've been agoraphobic for 9 years. It is really hard... and as long as you feel lonely and hopeless, you will not be able to start to feel better about yourself.

    You're not alone though.
    It's hard to imagine it, but there are many other people who feel the same way that you do. About yourself; about the world, about alot of things.

    It doesn't get much easier. It might get harder but have hope that you can feel better *for yourself*
    One day you will be able to be happy but it takes work to get there.
     
  7. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thanks Inker, voilet and kittygirl. I appreciate all that you have said. I do agree with you kittygirl. I am the only one that can change me, or my circumstances. You are right !!

    Violet, please let me know how things go with your medical procedure tomorrow. I will keep praying for your daughter. I do not know whats wrong with this medical system that would cause the psychiatrist to release her. Whats wrong with people? I am very sorry that this is happening to you all. I will continue to pray.
     
  8. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I have Agoraphobia too. You aren't alone, Hun. I know it can definitely feel that way though. I feel that way a lot -- especially when friends try to drag me out, or get mad because I don't go visit for awhile.. They don't understand. I'm around if you need to talk. :hug:
     
  9. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    thanks Cazzangel. I love angels. Especially the archangels. Thanks for what you have said. I appreciate it. I really need to get more positive thinking. I am glad you have friends who care about you and want you to go out. Maybe someday. I am sorry it cant be today. But of course I understand that fear. I can go out to the store alone. And can go to the doctors office. But cant go too many other places for sure. My mother does not understand why I cannot go to visit her. Well one reason is because shes very mean. But of course thats not the only reason. Although I cant tell her that. Actually, I cant tell her either reason, lol. She knows i cant handle her meanness. Anyway, Thank you for your offer. and I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk with .:IrishDoll:
     
  10. Blue_Sky

    Blue_Sky Well-Known Member

    Agoraphobia is such hell, I feel for you. I really can't do chatrooms either. During a time when I could hardly go anywhere, at least not without a family member with me, there used to be this park close by that I went to for walks and I felt ok there. Maybe there is some place in nature you could go to that is near you. I find that I have to get out at least once a week and walk in nature to rest my mind. Maybe you could try reading some books that might help you in place of a therapist, I read a book by the author claire weeks who deals a lot with agoraphobia, it was so long ago I can't remember much of the advice though.
     
  11. Ålice

    Ålice Banned Member

    Dont feel so down! :( I understand how you feel, I feel so lonely sometimes too. But prevent yourself from thinking negatively. Look for things to be excited about. You dont really need a therapist - it's much more beneficial to take that time to meet new people. I really hope you find something that makes you happy. A hobby could work well. If you need anyone to talk to, msg me! I'd be glad to talk to you.
     
  12. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thanks Blue Sky. I should get out and find a nice place to walk. And I do like reading spiritual books. I just have to get over the feeling that I need to run home if I go out to a park or something.

    Thank you Alice. You are right. I do not need a therapist. What I realized finally is that because I cannot seperate my spiritual self from my psychological self, its very difficult to find a therapist who can understand. Especially one who is covered by medicare. They tend to be the more "mind oriented" therapists. I will not negate the spiritual reasons for things. And this would annoy a psychologist. Plus the only two things i was interested in were either EFT or hypnotherapy. Preferable EFT. Add in the spiritual aspect and, well, thats not going to happen. My naturopath who loves me told me she will continue to see me no matter what. Prob is that she likely will be moving to Hawaii. But at least she was clear that she loves and sees me. And doesnt want to lose contact with me. I need to try to be outside. But its hard. BTW, I do help people. I am in service to a specificc group of people who have a specific condition, on the phone and someplace else. So I am not just self absorbed, lol.
     
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