ah fuck it *barely readable, swearing, hate, spite, bitterness - all the good stuff*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LetItGo, Jun 16, 2007.

  1. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I havent got the energy to scratch myself. Try to do the most simple of things, and it takes me hours. I think the mental is very much physical now, take an aspro just about every day to take the edge of these aches and pains, my chest, my back, my head, my shoulders, my neck..fucking everywhere, but they go, just as quickly as they hit me, so I dont know.

    Look at myself in the mirror and I HATE, thats right, HATE what I see, no wonder nobody else shows any interest. Im sorry, I dont think i can ever be "attractive". Im an overweight, ugly, lazy fuck, pls excuse me for breathing, sorry to corrode your vision of the super athletic, super lean, super creative, super sweet, super cute male. Ill move right along before you fucking hurl

    See these guys get around and its all so easy....life...its a piece of piss to them. Its just one big fucking act, and everyone falls for it, everyone. You love it, you love the illusion, like its fucking hollywood and everything just sweet as apple pie, haha you bought it, wholesale, cant wait till he fucks you over, and yes I look forward to it, and yes he will, cause he only wants whatever he can get....nooone of the downsides, none of lifes nasty little realities. I know I aint pretty, I know im not a she-male, but I also know, I could give all the love anyone could ever want...but ya, its not enough.

    Just sit here, dead to the world, and every second just ticks by...tick, tick, tick, ever look at your watch and see the seconds go by and think....there goes 30 seconds off my life? did nothing with it? cant get it back. My advice, dont do it...its extremely fucking depressing.

    Friendships...can never hold onto people. I wonder what it is about me that drives people away? I know in so called "real life", like this is somehow not real life, i dont talk to people....Im the king of isolation, and its cost me so much, I cant bare to think about it...and yet ill keep doing it, cause thats what I am.
    Friends ive meet from here...its not the same as it was. I talk to maybe 3 people now regularly...I guess im just not an easy person to like regardless of what people say, or ppl get sick of me, im boring, i talk shit, and ya I know, I have nothing to say. Ya you hate me now, and theres nothing i can do about it.

    Still the dreams play on, what it could be like a year from now, but ya its just that, a dream, a fantasy, a myth, none of that shit will ever happen :rolleyes: lol get real. I know what will happen, ill sit here, nothing will change, and that day will arrive and ill just get up, walk to the spot, and die. Thats the reality of it.

    So there it is....sick of everything, sick of people, sick of talking for the sake of talking, sick of dreaming the unreal, sick of wanting love and knowing full well it wont happen, sick of giving a fuck what you think, sick of being lazy, sick of doing nothing, sick of dieing, just sick of it....

    ...fuck it all...

    P.S This isnt aimed at anyone in particular, its just how I feel right now about life, the behavior of some people, and society in general....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2007
  2. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Re: ah fuck it *barely readable, swearing, hate, spite, bitterness - all the good stu

    sorry :( i dont know what brought this on, everything I guess, sorry.
     
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Re: ah fuck it *barely readable, swearing, hate, spite, bitterness - all the good stu

    Awww sorry to hear you feel that way hun. Please hang in there and take care I beleive that there's a great possibly of a good future, we never know but I hope things get better for you soon. You don't deserve to feel this way, you're a great person. I'm always here for you if you need to talk, i'm sure you know that but I thought I'd remind you. Please try and stay safe. :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Re: ah fuck it *barely readable, swearing, hate, spite, bitterness - all the good stu

    I'd email you hun, but you never pick up your mail:laugh:
    So I'll just lurk (like a bad smell) on msn till you show your face. Hang in there, you do have friends :hug:

    ps:thanks for the email.
     
  5. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    Re: ah fuck it *barely readable, swearing, hate, spite, bitterness - all the good stu

    :hug: you can PM me if you ever need to talk.
     
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Re: ah fuck it *barely readable, swearing, hate, spite, bitterness - all the good stu

    As futile and meaningless as they seem hun :hug: I know the little sentiment probably means little in the big scheme of things..but do know that I'm here to listen and talk. i'm sorry that you are feeling this way.

    Take care and feel free to msn me.
     
  7. ybt

    ybt Guest

    Re: ah fuck it *barely readable, swearing, hate, spite, bitterness - all the good stu

    hi, i didn't read the whole post (not because it was too long, i have no patience), but i think i see what you're saying.

    don't worry about being unproductive. even if you 'waste' 30 seconds of your life, it means you just haven't discovered want you want to do yet, and that's absolutely no problem

    take care :hug:
     
  8. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    Re: ah fuck it *barely readable, swearing, hate, spite, bitterness - all the good stu

    Life is passing a lot of us by, I guess. It's sad, maybe we need to try and do things, but what can we do?

    I don't know what you look like, but I'm willing to bet it's not as bad as you think it is. We have a habit of seeing all our bad points and none of the good.

    As for friendship...you do have friends on here, which is something :) Shows that people can't all dislike talking to you. And you were very nice to me with your migraine advice, too :) I hope to see you in chat again, because you seem like a good person, despite how you see yourself.

    I hope you're feeling better since you posted this, and that the replies have helped you see that you do have friends :) :hug: