Ah, the wonderful Goodbye. Here is my story.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shezamura, Aug 7, 2010.

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  1. Shezamura

    Shezamura Well-Known Member

    Yes yes yes... The wonderful goodbye. I know.. I know.. many of you are wondering why I must want to go? Many of you already know... lol, many think im so fucking stupid for my reason, but hey... It's my reason so fuck it.

    I am undeniably unhappy. I wonder to myself... "What have I done so wrong in my past life that would cause so much bad karma to come into this one?" What Have I done in my past that would make all my dreams disappear? What did I do wrong....

    Well... The thing is.... Ladies... this is for you... Because, I want to know...

    Would you not find it the most romantic... most devoted thing ever done
    for you if a man you abandoned gave his entire life up just so he could
    prove to you his love? never loving anyone else? always keeping his eyes
    on you and never giving another woman a glance? giving all his love to
    you?... wouldnt you find it beautiful that one could love someone just
    that much? to the point that your very existance depended on just
    hearing your beloveds name? ... being able to just brush your skin
    against theres as a means to say alive?... isnt that what love should be
    like? Like the water we drink everyday? we thirst because we need it to
    stay alive?.... do you not wish that one day a man would love you this
    much?

    Well... I do love someone that much... But... she doesnt love me, or anybody for that matter... She is dating another man now... one she likes alot... loves to be around.. but does not love... I wonder if Im the reason, or if shes just doing that because she is afraid of comitment... i dont know...

    But tonight... tonight will be the last night in my body... yeah... I thought for so long that some how this skin would have to do.. but no, I was wrong...

    Samantha Queddeng Browning... I love you so much... Even though you have caused this collapse between the heart and the synapse, I will never ever cease to love you. It is the one and only thing I have ever worked hard for.. ever...

    I just have to say darling... Darling beloved... No matter what happens, no matter who you are with, no matter what pain I must endure, I will always love you. Its the only thing I have ever committed to and only thing I have ever been true to myself with... I love you no matter what... Its what I hold on to everyday... I dont care what happens to me... I just want you happy... I love you.

    Maybe one day you will stumble across this wondering what I may have left behind... But you may never find this place... ever... But If I could... I would go back... over and over again.. I would relive every second we were together for all eternity.. never progressing through time... just so long As im with you.... I never want anyone else... that is my promise to you... I wont back down... not ever... even if you dont return the feelings anymore....

    I must be true to my words... or everything i have said would be all in vein... I really lost all I had... wanted in my life... I have only ever dedicated myself to one person, and It was her... I love her.. more than life.. oxygen... food... anything... She is the fire that burns in me... the fire that scorches my very soul in such a delicious way, I refuse to believe that the pain is not pleasurable... I love every second of our pain... because You have given me that more than anything... Yet I still love you unconditinoally...

    I can see the shitty replies now. "oh, your so young, youll find another person"

    Let me clarify this up. I Dont want anyone else.

    "oh, your so young, you never know what may come up"

    like mentioned above, I dont care. Im not interested... I lived my life... so I could be that special someone for a lovely lady one day... I promised myself that I would give her all my being... And Samantha... Samantha was who I gave it all to... I gave her everything about me... my whole being belonged to her... Knowin that I was the reason she smiled... that in itself is like the force that made me happy.... She was my gift from God... my gift that disappeared in the night to never be seen again...

    "dont give up!!! you have so much to live for!!! You have so much to offer"

    Yeah, I know what I have to offer.. I know exactly what I can give someone... I know well...

    I can swoon a woman to my arms... I can make a woman feel like she is at the top of the world... I can dance the night away with a woman and lay her to sleep in my arms... I can wake a woman up with light kisses on her forhead... I can offer so much fun and excitement!! going out and hiking. Spending the day under the covers just exploring our imagination... Taking long romantic showers that lead to me giving a 2 hour body massage to help relieve your stress... Cooking for you and scratching your back... Playing with your hair and gazing in your eyes... I can offer an unconditional love that is beyond your comprehension. I can love you regardless if you even love me... Use me, abuse me, and I will still lick your wounds from using the whips on me. I love until the day I die... I can offer this love... but unfortunately... I can only offer this love to one person... And she... doesnt want it...

    So whats left of my born natural taste for romance? My undying want to make one woman feel like the most prized thing in the world? Nothing... I can just find someone, get to know them, and love them that much. I know I cant, i have tried... I love Samantha way to much... I love her so much more than my own existance... I just cant... bear to know that shes with someone else.. again...

    "that woman doesnt deserve you"

    She doesnt have to. I love her... who she is... everything about her... her beauty.. and her hideousness... her perfection and her flaws... everything...

    I know that she is the one for me... I know that.... i also know.. that there is absolutly nothing I can do to win her back... What a sorrowful tragedy... what a horrible turn of evens this is... oh how much you must hurt Clinton...

    My hurting... Me hurting is what lets me know that I am alive.. That I do still love her... It lets me know that atleast one man in the world... One man that has existed... loved a woman that most ladys would only read of in books and hear in fairy tales... I loved a woman with all my being... even though she will be the death of me, I have no regrets... I dont hate her or feel angry at her at all... I am only angry that I could not be enough to please her... If I could have one wish... I would wish that I could be anything she would want... need... but that will never happen... this bittersweet love will drag me to the grave... and I will taste every last drop of it alone... savor our memories... and die a death that most people would call " The tragedy of a man who actually loved."

    Good night everyone... I hope you all do well... I dont know what will happen when I down this shit... but i do hope that someday, if you love someone this much that they return it just as much... One day Samantha.. You may find this... and If you do... I want you to know... That I love you so much... Come what may.. this hopeless romantic will love you even after death... I hope that I become the spirit that protects you from harm... so I can further show you my love.... Your lips... they were the sweetest thing I have ever tasted... I will miss your fragrance... and your touch... Goodbye... my most dearly Beloved... I love you... my Ex-Fiance`
     
  2. Vampiress892

    Vampiress892 Active Member

    Don't do it. I understand from this you won't love anyone else. But if she doesn't love the man she is with, then there is still a chance for you. Please don't give up. Even if you can't be with her, be her supporting best friend. Live, and keep in touch with her, so she know's you still care. Just don't kill yourself. Please
     
  3. SaidDave

    SaidDave Banned Member

    I honestly don't know what to say because I know your heart is broken.
     
  4. josephMerrick

    josephMerrick Member

    Your words brought me almost to tears. They say it's better to have loved and lost and it seems you gave all you had, saving nothing for another. You are a better, luckier person than i.

    My sincere hope is that she will truly know what she gave up on.

    I have no other words...
     
  5. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    I understand your pain.

    I cannot tell you that everything will be okay, because I don't know that it will. But I can tell you that no matter how much you love her, she is not worth that sacrifice.
     
  6. Shezamura

    Shezamura Well-Known Member

    Well, the deal is sealed. I already downed the whole bottle. Look on the bright side. I wont hurt anymore.
     
  7. Vampiress892

    Vampiress892 Active Member

    Shez... no... call 911.. now.. please..
     
  8. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Please don I know what ur feeling it's pain heartache so bad deep inside! Please man just go throw up or call ur best mate! Someone!
     
  9. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Clinton, please call 911. Get help!
     
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Clinton, DO NOT drink that bottle of poison! You are not Romeo and Samantha is not Julliet. This is real life, not some fairy tale. If you love Sam as much as you say you do, then don't give up trying to get her back. Getting her back into your arms should be your number one priority, by hook or by crook. If you have to break up her relationship, then so be it.

    You really do sound like the 'hopeless romantic' type of person. Any lady should consider herself fortunate to be loved by you (logically). Sometimes women want you to fight for them, to prove your love, not romanticize them. Maybe Sam wants you to fight for her?

    Don't give up Clinton. Don't go down without a fight!
     
  11. Blue_Sky

    Blue_Sky Well-Known Member

    Well I guess I should save my words. Why post something if you don't want to talk about it? What do you expect everyone else to do, or is it you just want people to think you did it?
     
  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I hope Clinton is okay. :unsure:
     
  13. Jace

    Jace Active Member

    I hope he is okay too.
     
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