Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hazibell, Feb 1, 2009.

  1. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    i was getting upset with a lot of things which i said in a previous post and i still am tbhh
    and like my second mum who i love very much gave me advice on one thing and i took it and did it. was basically to get rid of someone. not in the way that sounds! lol. but in the sense of tell them to leave me alone and only contact me if they were going to be nice and 'normal' with me...long story...
    but basically someone was being very nasty to me and making me upset a lot of the time.
    and i told them. and finished it all.
    and it fucked up. she said not to give in but they knew exactly the right things to say and i kinda have. not completely but i have nearly. basically because i cant stand to make people unhappy.
    srsly ive been accused of making four people suicidal, unhappy, depressed, alone in the last 10 months...all guys. who have basically either been with me or wanted to have been (fuck knows why im srsly nothing special).
    and i just...well its not coincidence is it...i was told tonight that i was destined to be alone and tbhh i think i am.
    the person i do love. well i cant say love really but i do like. doesnt know. and i prolly would never be his type in a million years.
    i cant let this other one back in my life again but i cant stand to make anyone unhappy. i will willingly make myself unhappy for someone else as long as theyre okay....
    im so fucking stupid.
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    honey- don't know you - but - i want you to think about this. don't take on power that is not yours - (with power, comes responsibility) so YOU did not MAKE these people suicidal. it's their stuff.
    we all have stuff. and usually our own , is enough to bear.
    you don't deserve to have to bear also - the load of others........!

    how are you doing. . . ? hugs
  3. Hazibell

    Hazibell Well-Known Member

    thank you so much.
    didn't really expect anyone to reply cos usually posts i make dont make much sense to other people.
    its just i guess if people tell you you've done something wrong enough you do actually start to believe it and they've told me that its my fault so much....then changed their minds and said sorry and its just messing me up tbhh.
    gahh idkk. cos i know what is right. but i also know what im like. and tbh ive pretty much given in. i suck sooo much.