Thanks for the replies. Sorry, not used to talking with people anymore, I just am so used to feeling endless waves of thoughts and feelings that are so eratic.. just want my focus back. my will .. ive lost it. but i know i want more but i cant feel my will anymore.. i donno if that makes sense to anyone.. its a horrible feeling, but i cant even feel remorse about that. its as if my will has been severd from me.. scarey, stale and makes me sad at the people i have to let go and the life i cant have