My mom never liked me unless I did something amazing, and because of that I can't like myself unless I get amazing grades, or I am the best at everything I do. I put so much pressure on myself, and its getting really difficult. I just want to jump. I do stupid things, like get into cars with people I know hve been drinking, and all I thik is I hop we dont hit someone else, just a pole or something. Its so lame. I am so pathetic. My friend knows me too well, he said something that was really right. When he said it I had this urge to run, he is my best friend, yet I can't let him know I am weak. I hate this. My biggest weakness is my fear of appearing vulnerable, and I think this is going to ultmately destroy me. I've been writing, just to write, just to release it all, it helps, but I think I liked being numb more.