Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Needshelp, May 10, 2009.

  1. Needshelp

    Needshelp Well-Known Member


    im getting so sick of this...
    everyday its the same fucking thing anymore..
    im just so tired of being lonely..
    i wonder why im of no interest to anyone..
    god this is pathetic..
    i might as well get used to it..
    i can honestly say i dont plan on having another relationship again..
    not by my means at all..
    i just think im that disgusting and ugly of a person..
    i dont deserve to be with anyone..
    what i do deserve is to be by myself..
    anymore i dont know if i deserve happiness..
    its a beautiful day outside and all i can think about is how lonely and miserable i am..
    i need a drastic change in my state of mind...
    ive been negative for way too long now..
    why do i hate everything??
    i used to be sooo happy and ignorant a few years ago..
    guess that's what happens when you get older..
    im sorry for wasting everyones time on here..
    just like in real life..
    seems all ive ever really done is wasted time..
    one big effing waste...
    no matter how hard i try for most people, nothing i do is good enough..
    im done with it..
    seriously, seriously done with it..
    i just want to sleep all day.. in a dark, cold room.
    "just remember you, you've always been and always will be nothing."

    my everyday mantra...
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF. Most of us here, have been, or continue to have the feelings you express here. All I can say is that I've gotten a lot of help by continuing to post, express my feelings, and stay in touch with a few contacts and friends I've made at this site. I hope you can too. I will also respond to all private messages should you wish to send me one.

    There are a lot of wonderful people here with whom you can discuss your feelings. Have you had any therapy or tried any prescription meds.? Most of us here have done so and gotten a lot of help.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You aren't wasting anyone's time out here. It's okay to post, to vent and let everything go.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You could have been describing me.. I relate to everything you said..Except the sleep part.. I am the opposite I don't get enough sleep..All I can suggest is get a good therapist.. I still walk around feeling like shit but at least I am getting out of the house a few hours in the morning..I have seen some improvement but for the most part I still feel useless..I guess my parents drilled that into me enough when I was a kid that I beleive it to be true..Try the therapy,I've been doing it for four years..
  5. Needshelp

    Needshelp Well-Known Member

    ive tried therapy a few times. none of which really did anything. guess i didnt find the right therapist. the first guy just listened and offered no sort of real help to my problems. the other two were a couple. i tried the husband once and didnt really care for him, and then i went to his wife for a few months. honestly i just went because i still had insurance and my parents pretty much forced me into it. she offered advice, but she sounded like mother. i understand there are steps i need to make in the right direction, but i just felt like i was getting attacked every week almost. it felt like i had another mom, and fuckk, i realllly dont need another mom.or maybe i do. someone to nag the ever loving bullshit out of me until i get so sick of hearing them, i either kill myself or move on an island. i stopped going a few weeks short of my insurance running out. i said it was because of my insurance running out. lately shes heard about the mess my family's been in and has offered to pretty much not charge me, but im kinda skeptical about it. dont know if shes gonna charge me at a later date, or if she justs wants to help.
    right now i just want to leave everything entirely. i cant stand most of my family anymore. my moms living in some kind of prescription fantasy land from years of a multiple multiple daily pill regimine. not long ago she had seizure from an accidental overdose one night. crazy fucking night that was. she had severe pains and had taken one more than normal of her pills, then they got worse so they went to the ER and gave her Delotin (sp?) which is what made her convulse later that night. then the next night it was out of her system so she convulsed several times during the day and that night. ever since then shes never been the same. theres always this fog in her eyes. like shes not fully there. then about a year ago my uncle died of a horrific battle with espogihal (sp?) cancer. it really hit her the most. understandably so ,since it was her younger brother. since then shes reallllly been out there. my dad is unemployed and plays internet poker all day, and still tells me to get a job everyday. my brother is untreated bipolar and just bad tempered in general. hes my brother, but anymore i hate his fucking guts. he always calls me greedy and "jewish" , but he acts "generous" and he does it just to spite people and say hes better than everyone. to me that seems like a shitty reason to be generous. just sayin. but he treats EVERYONE like shit anymore. hes pretty much ended several friendships ive had with people for the dumbest shit ever. i understand you only get one family, but lately i just want to move to the middle of nowhere and get an apartment in some town and be a hermit.
    i really really hate myself. i feel like a terrible person almost every single day.i have no real friends and the ones that do want to befriend me are possibly the dumbest and most uninteresting people ive ever met. i dont know. like i said, i feel like i just need to move out west and make an entire new world for myself.
  6. Needshelp

    Needshelp Well-Known Member

    so im starting to get used to the fact that damn near no one likes me. ehh its ok. im sure it will sink in more and more as the days go on, and ill accept it more. just makes for a sooner date for me..
    not a single person i reach out to wants to talk to me. or at least about problems. no one wants me to bring them down. i guess im more of a problem than anything to everyone...
    sorry guys.
  7. Needshelp

    Needshelp Well-Known Member

    todays an alright day. i really need to start getting in some sort of cycle. my sleep patterns all screwed up, and i dont really eat right anymore. i keep getting more distant from everyone as the days go on. or maybe its the other way around. i keep getting turned down from multiple jobs. the only one that wouldve taken me pays less than my unemployment, so i dont really see a point in that. plus telemartking sucks anyways.
    i cant take this fucking town i live in anymore. theres nothing for me here anymore. well i guess maybe my family, but other than that i keep coming up short of reasons. i dont really have any real friends, and whenever i try to reach out to anyone else, i never get a response. from anyone. the weathers getting nicer, and i should be getting happier, but its the opposite for me right now. ive been depressed for so long i cant even remember how long its been, and it seems just to be getting worse as summer gets closer. its because i go to the beach, or to the park, and everywhere i go theres couples walking around, having fun, and enjoying their lives, and no matter how hard i try i just cant. i always get bummed and can never figure out why im not in that situation. it seems i cant get a single girl to look in my direction. ive had several friends that are girls that would always come over or call and talk about their relationship problems and talk about how much of an asshole their boyfriend is, how he doesnt pay attention to her, how he treats her like shit, but yet they stay with this jerk and say they love him and cant leave him. people are weird sometimes i guess. i guess im one of the "too nice" guys. ya know, one of the guys that gets dumped by a girl cuz he likes to spend too much time with her, and buys her too many gifts and treats her too nice. girls dont like that i guess. from what ive seen, if i shot heroin all day, id have girls all over me. i just dont understand it anymore. im just gettin discouraged. i feel like if i ever do get a girl thats interested in me, shes gonna be a drunken nite gone wrong. hahaha im not even 21 yet, and not only do i hate my life completly, i fear the day i turn 21. my family has a huge drinking problem. generations open generations deep. but in this day and age, who doesnt? a couple people have told me im "handsome" or "good looking" but im obviously not. hell even when i was in better shape girls didnt like me. everyone looks at me like im some sort of freak. and the more i go out, the more i really just want to end it. sometimes i just feel like i should speed my car into the middle of a busy intersection. or run it off a bridge. thatd be an exciting way to go. im not even that happy about the stuff i planned this summer. im more nervous about it actually. my brothers going on vacation with me, and i feel hes gonna be more problems than good. hes a reallllll hot head, and you cant really say anything to em pretty much. hes right about everything, all knowing, and all mighty. at least in his mind. my parents are getting more and more annoyed with me too. guess me being depressed is more annoying for them. theyve tried i guess. not the greatest attempts. like yelling and asking why am i depressed? WHY ARE YOU SAD???? WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BE SAD ABOUT??? my dad just wants to kick me out. please do. youll only give me a location for my demise.
  8. Needshelp

    Needshelp Well-Known Member

    fuck you david,
    for as long as ive known you, youve always been a nobody. never had any goals or ambitions. always just wanted to chalk up to whatever society wanted you to be. youve never had a mind of your own have you? youre just a parasite, feeding off of the people around you. for food, money, shelter. you really are worthless arent you? figured. i mean, just look at you, you fat, lazy, pathetic piece of shit. hahaha. fat ass. more jelly rolls than a bakery! stupid mother fucking god damn fat fuck. kill yourself. just do it. you dont mean anything to anyone. hah you actually believed you did?? HAHAHAHA. WOW. you actually thought people cared. nope. not a single soul. could always just say those couple high powered tranqs "accidently" ended up in your cocktail. just remember : no one cares. youre a joke kid. stop while youre ahead. stupid clumsy prick. you should really kill yourself before you hurt or kill someone who deserves to live. youre a disgrace to all that is decent. i hope you know youre a feeble person who is going to fail at anything they do. youre not a good muscian, you never will be. youre never gonna go anywhere in live. youre never gonna get married (hah youll be lucky if you even get another girlfriend, or even a drunk bar girl.) youll never be successful and as far as im concernced, youre never gonna be happy. ill make sure of that :wink: you little weakling. like a little hurt ant on the sidewalk. i would love to smash my foot over and over and over and over and over and over again off your face, until you were unrecognizeable. you pathetic little bug. at your funeral, no ones gonna come, and everyone that does come is gonna spit in your coffin you fuckin disgrace. your mother shouldve had an abortion. or swallowed or somethin jeez. if i were you, id head for the hills, get a full tank of gas, and 4 barrels of gas, and set of some good ol car fireworks. and you can get a first row seat! or a drivers seat! hah! or you could paint your room white, and then use a buckshot and see how red you can paint your room! good color contrast. kill 2 birds with 1 stone, and 1 retard with a buck shot. you deserve it though. for all the hard work youve done over the years. why not sit down and relax and enjoy a nice slow cooked bullet sandwhich. served with a side of grey matter, and self hatred. youve watched people who have reasons to die. who honestly, have a life you couldnt compare to, but yet youre still a little bitch from day to day. oh well. darwins still right: survival for the fittest, and youre a weak little bitch. a pathetic, worthless, little bitch. a whiny one at that. well i hope you enjoy the rest of your pathetic, lonely day. i know i wil! and just remember, whenever you see a beautiful woman walking down the street, just remember, youre never gonna be able to come close to satisfy her needs. in anyway shape or form. women need real men, and you arent even a boy. like i said, youre a parasite. die you dumb fuck.
    sincerly yours,
  9. Needshelp

    Needshelp Well-Known Member

    hey guess what, youre always gonna be lonely! stop trying while youre ahead, youre only gonna make yourself look like an ass. no one wants you. who are you kidding? not even as a friend. wonder why. crazy mother fucker. no one wants to be around someone with so many problems.you should be locked in a cage, like the beast you are, and proded with electric tongs on a 15 minute basis. primative fucking animal. all you are. you arent even a person. just a sad little animal. so go ahead, do your usually daily nothings. enojy that alone time, cuz soon youll have alot of it on your hands. youve disappointed everyone very very much. your family thinks your a disgrace. shoulda never been born.. its people like you that drag everyone down.

    im sorry everyone.. all i can do lately is beat myself up. i just dont feel like doing anything anymore. nothings fun. nothing. everything sucks to me. everyone sucks to me. i cant make new friends because ive destroyed my self confidence. most days i wake up and feel like id be better off dead... im of no use to anyone, and i suck at everything.
  10. Needshelp

    Needshelp Well-Known Member

    pretty much lost faith in myself. its ok though. im sure being by yourself til your old isnt so bad. after awhile im sure you get used to being alone. im such a disgusting person... i dont derserve anyone.

    i should just start doing insane drugs to expediate things. do a shit ton of heroin and meth at the same time. im sure thatll set me straight.
  11. Needshelp

    Needshelp Well-Known Member

    summers here and im still not happy.. thanks to my lazy ass and my brothers psycho fuckin self. hes been so negative about doing anything this summer that hes settin a really shitty vibe for my house. and as much as i try to ignore it, it goes on constantly. still havent gotten a job yet and am losing motivation to look for one. i just keep getting more antisocial as the days go on. im getting sick of damn near everyone, and i think its starting to comeback to me. i just cant take peoples bullshit anymore.even though im a pushover and dont say anything anyways.
    i hate my life, and i hate me. no one on this site even fucking likes me. im pretty convinced i should kill myself in the near future. my life is pretty much useless.. whats the fucking point anymore?? really though? when i have no goals, no ambition, no real friends, no self esteem, no confidence. ive never had those. i just dont really no how to go about getting those things, but im really thinking about just throwing in the towel. because whenever i did try i always fell flat on my face and it always ended up being a waste of time in the end. i sometimes wish terrible things on myself just so i wont have to have technically "committed suicide" im such a bitch...
    sometimes i wish i would get mugged and torture, then someone shoot me in the face,or slowly have my throat slit..
    sorry guys