Hi I'm here to get some advice and maybe someone can give me a reason to stick around. I kinda don't wanna talk about myself cuz it just feels like im complaining compared to what some of the people here have been thru. Well here goes. I've been depressed for the longest time and i dont see it gettin any better. I've had all manners of abuse phisical, verbal, and sexual. I've never been good at makin friends most of junior high and high school i spent alone. So dropped out cuz im a quitter. I worked difernt jobs went to community college. started working for a UPS as a part time and made some friends there quit goin 2 school cuz i would rather just work 2 jobs. After workin at UPS for a few years and coming out of my shell I felt better, but far from good but at least it was nice to know i could put my mask on and act somewhat normal around people.(note that thru highschool and this time I seem to be the most repulsive thing to women ever) During this time i discoverd I was funny I was always bein told i should be a comedian or radioDJ. I loved it i got a high from makin people laugh. Even though i still felt akward around people and still do. Then I decided I wanted to be a full time driver for UPS. It was hard work but i was good at it. At the same time I had started doin stand up comedy. Hittin open mikes where ever I could. It was goin good till I got arrested for drunk driving. Yep i know Im a fuckup. I didnt get fired but I couldn't be a driver anymore and they let me have my partime job. I felt so ashamed of lettin so many people down. I did comedy for a year sucked for most of it. But i started to finaly get better getting confidence on stage and getting booked at comedy clubs in LA and all over southern california. To pay the bills I had gotten in the morgage buisness which was really easy money. Then it dried up I had to move back home and go full time at my job in the wharehouse the problem was that my hours changed so that i couldn't do stand up anymore. So here I am six months later no life no future. I ran off the only girl that ever liked me. Every time i'm around people it just seems to be the loneliest place in the world. I've always hated myself but now i really just want to go away. But i dont have the nerve to do it. Well I fell better now that i just got to vent a little. Hope to see you around ive only just begun to scrach the surface of what a mess i am.