Its my dogs birthday this week, he would've been 10. I bought him a gravestone. I must admit its really nice and im hoping hed like it. I do miss him a lot sometimes. I can often go a while without thinking about him, although occasionally I do have a good cry. I think what i miss most is his smell, the cuddles and having someone around I could really care about and look after. He was a wonderful dog. I used to think he was autistic, since he would hate a hug and would only hug if he felt reallllly guilty. Fighting him for a good hug was part of the fun. I used to love playing hide and seek with him too, although he was a little too good at finding me :O I feel massively guilty. I know one cannot cause cancer, but I cannot help but wonder if my depression and sucidal intentions, coupled with my ongoing crying and withdrawal made him feel alone, so much so that he stopped fighting. We found out 24 hours before he died that he would die in the next few days quite painfully. I'm not sure how they could diagnose it so late. The vet doesnt even know if it was cancer and that makes it harder, except that it had all the trade marks of cancer. The last 24 hours were pretty painful, seeing him all full of life and happy at the vets *where he was on a drip*, to walking him home and seeing him getting weaker, to the vomiting. He woke up early to see my dad get ready for work and it still stuns me he gained the courage to do that. He died peacefully, surrounded by family and all of his toys. Whilst I know we did the best we could, it never feels like enough. I shall stop posting now as it is making me cry. Oh perhaps we never do forget.