Alcohol addiction...I don't want to stop.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Swollen, Dec 27, 2008.

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  1. Swollen

    Swollen Active Member

    Im addicted to alcohol and I know it but I dont want to stop drinking at all. I know being addicted to alcohol is bad. I know what it does to my body. It seems like its the only way I can get to sleep and stay asleep though and not be up in half an hour. Its the only way I can wind down after work. Its the only thing that makes bad memories go away. I started drinking a couple of years ago and its only gotten worse. I drink every single night until I'm pretty tipsy. I don't drink until I vomit but it is quite a bit.

    I dont drink hard things just beer and wine mainly. I can down 5 or 6 beers each night and still be fairly alert. I can drink 2, maybe 3 bottles of wine in a sitting and I'm still okay. I know it isn't good for my body but I dont want to stop. If anything I wish it would do me in and then I wouldn't have to worry about damages on my body from excessive alcohol.

    I drink until I can really FEEL me being drunk. I recorded myself a few nights and purposely talked and I know I drink a lot because I slur my words heavily long before I'm finished. I have broken a shelf in the place I live because of the times I've fallen against it in my drunken state.

    I dont have friends. I dont have family. Im just here, alone. I've been here, alone, for quite some time now. I guess what I'm saying is

    Is it really so bad to do this to myself, knowing it isn't affecting anyone else?

    If it is horribly bad then what do I do?
    Im happy this way.
  2. xpsyuvz

    xpsyuvz Active Member

    Similar (maybe?) ditto with me, here.

    Alcohol's pretty much my favorite reason for being alive -- sometimes in a catalyst sort of way.

    Being a loner, it's not hurting anyone else...
    If it had no heath detriments (e.g. liver) it wouldn't be much of an issue.

    For work, I have to be sober.
    And maybe it would be nice to also be sober when I fill out tax forms, and monthly bills...
    But other than that, I'd prefer to be a bit drunk
    (even at the sacrifice of dying younger).

    Still, I've noticed, I don't feel like drinking past a certain level.
    I like to figure math vs. alcohol (and am not too fond when my supposed Blood Alcohol Content reaches much more than 0.08%).
    (BTW, since I drink vodka, I input the alcohol level to be 40%.)

    Bleh, no help.

    If you drink more than 2-3 "standard drinks" per day (depending on which countie's measurements you use) -- you're hurting your health ...and then maybe anyone dependant on you.

    Still, no help, I know.
    I'm not into the idea of quitting either -- just maybe decreasing my content lately...?
    (If I keep up 0.08% BAC for too long, I'll still get wicked alcohol withdrawals symptoms later...)
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 28, 2008
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    It isn't bad and if you don't want to stop you won't :hug:

    Society deems it bad. You may one day wish to find another way. It may not be in your best interest to keep drinking but if you want to then don't feel bad for doing it.

    I've heard AA meetings everyone is really nice. Actually, someone suggest I go there (even though I don't drink) to kill the lonliness. Maybe try finding a support group (like AA) and then it will help you drink less (whenever you really want to) and it will help with the lonliness too! Loneliness is a big one for me too :hug:

    Glad you're here, posting.
  4. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Hmm, Well ok I can speak to this. Ya won't like it probably but you didn't ask just to be shined on, right?

    First question. Good and bad are moral judgments. Only you can answer kinds of questions.

    You have quite a tolerance there based on the amounts you drink and need to drink nightly. If you don't want to damage your stomach and liver and do a host of other nasty to yourself and would consider these things "bad" then you have your answer.

    Second question is honest-to-gosh tied to whether you want to quit. LOL Quitting may be very tough and require a lifestyle change, maybe some inpatient treatment, maybe AA, and definitely a commitment to sobriety.

    But if you don't want to stop, then you just haven't seen the hellish consequences of alcoholism yet, or maybe you're not a bona fide alcoholic and things will not get worse and worse down the road.

    See? No judgments here either, because I don't know.

    I'll offer you this much. If you don't want to stop, then all talk is moot. Right? Make sense?

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