Alcohol and life.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Lee 7, Jan 10, 2010.

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  1. Lee 7

    Lee 7 New Member

    Its safe to say i'm a 23 year old man who's addicted to alcohol and cigarettes and who happily drinks a liter of vodka everyday after work, this has been going on for 14 months now and i'm not sure why i do this because before i even started drinking i still felt the same way about life .. there is no desire to accomplish anything, friends, hobbies, having a girlfriend etc, nothing on this earth i feel pleasure from, the alcohol just makes me this zombie like mess that can't think or give a damn about anything .. is this happiness? However this past 6 months the alcohol doesn't have much an effect anymore, its got to the point where i can go to work drunk and it doesn't hinder me at all. I'm drinking between 170 and 195 units per week and the doctor said i have about 6 years of life left at most if i continue, the strange thing is that i don't even care. I don't know what to think of this, there is no desire to break the addiction or to feel better or make progress. Physically i feel like i'm dieing, every day the body feels weaker and things are getting harder to do, i think i will be losing my job soon. I don't care if i die, i don't know if i want to or not .. there is just nothing. As i write this is don't know what kind of answer i'd expect to hear from you people, however i'm deliberately forcing myself not to drink and i'm sober today, and using my anger to express myself.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Lee please know you are indeed killing yourself you organs cannot take that much abuse. You need to get into detox and get some help. Sign yourself into detox now and start healing get off the dam alcohol but do it under professional care as it is dangerous to do this alone. Go to detox and get help okay start healing start feeling better about you
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I have no answers as I'm also a raging alcoholic. I've been trying to stop drinking for the last three years. Have had periods of sobriety up to six months but always go back to drinking. I am now trying again to stop drinking but have to get thru the horrible withdrawals first... The anxiety is crippling me but I have to get thru it somehow and get sober again. I've been to detox/rehab three times in '08 and can't go back, they won't take me. I'm trying to break free cause I don't want to drink myself to death. My dogs need me, if no one else does. I feel useless, stupid, hopeless.

    I was doing very well staying sober but gave in - why?? I need to get sober again if I can just get thru the next couple days. Please pray for me, I have to do this.
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Lee, I too have no great answers because I am an alcoholic as well. And I was the exact same way. Before I ever started drinking, I was suicidal anyway. I hate life. I started drinking and everyone is telling me that drinking is the problem when I know it's just that I hate life, and I don't care if I die. I'd actually prefer a shorter life.

    Either way, I think that you know there's a problem because you're here posting! Get yourself into a detox... and figure out where to go from there. That is your best bet!

    Also.. good luck "theleastofthese" !!

    :hug:s for you both.
  5. twc

    twc Well-Known Member

    I went to rehab for alcohol. Things got much worse a few months after I left. I finally eased up on the booze after smoking a lot of marijuana. I don't drink much now but my life is really, really sad.
  6. Thequietone

    Thequietone New Member

    My observation is that if you have something worthwhile in your life it is worth quitting drinking for.

    But if all you have in your life is misery, depression and no future then drink fills that space nicely.

    Its a soul problem rather than a drink problem. In my opinion.

    The Quietone
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You're killing yourself. I've been thinking about this post over the last night.

    It's good you can identify anger, you are angry, and that can be such a useful thing to have, because it shows there's a part of you that is outraged and does care and is angry at what is happening at the moment, maybe you're so angry because you do want to live but something out of control is killing you- the alcohol dependency. I don't know what feelings you are trying to manage with the alcohol but they sound too much for you to bear- it all sounds devastating to be honest.

    Do you have any outside help, apart from your GP or CMHT?
    I'm not sure where you are, and what the detox programmes are like around you. If they don't provide you with mental health support during, and most importantly after you're sober- then, when your physical health improves, you could try and search out a therapist who will try and hold you so when you do drink, you understand why you're doing it, and what you're doing is contained and managed somewhat. Because you sound so out of control. I used to be like this with an eating disorder so I understand too much about what you're describing. I know the physical dying, the emotional numbness and being like the walking dead.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 14, 2010
  8. jeffbuddy

    jeffbuddy Member

    well you could try switching to a pint a day or look into depression/anxiety pills.

    I always do shit I regret when i drink but i still drink anyway, I'm in a bit of a rough spot as well.

    You could try just getting totally smashed once a week, gives you something to look forward to.

    One last thing, a daily workout routine is good for the mind. Gives you that sense of accomplishment.
  9. sharkmoviegal

    sharkmoviegal Member

    I feel the same way. I know I'm too young to be drinking at the rate that I am, but it doesn't seem to matter because alcohol has been the only that has helped me through all of my issues and made me into somewhat of a "normal" person. I hate being sober, because everytime that I am, I realize just how many mental problems I seem to have. When I drink, I feel anxiety-free, normal, and clear-headed, almost like I'm "free" of anything bad that has ever happened to me in my entire life.

    Unfortunately, though, I think I am drinking myself into early Dementia, due to the fact that every day my short-term memory loss and reasoning skills get worse and worse. :(
  10. kiwiguy

    kiwiguy Member

    I drank last night. Right now my liver feels like its about to stop functioning. I am 100% serious. I read this and i can relate completely. But...ive never felt this pain before. I feel like i will die if i have another drink. I don't need a doctor to tell me. It is an actual feeling. I am the same as you. I live by alcohol. Its like a thing i HAVE to do. A feeling. I have to get drunk. But now i have an actual STRONG feeling in my liver. I can't walk properly. It hurts when i take a seat, or bend over. I'm going to stop drinking. Forever. I hope you join me buddy. I can't help it. It's either drink, or die. I know which option i'm going to take.
  11. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    you're in serious trouble and need to go to A+E and get yourself checked out.
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