Its safe to say i'm a 23 year old man who's addicted to alcohol and cigarettes and who happily drinks a liter of vodka everyday after work, this has been going on for 14 months now and i'm not sure why i do this because before i even started drinking i still felt the same way about life .. there is no desire to accomplish anything, friends, hobbies, having a girlfriend etc, nothing on this earth i feel pleasure from, the alcohol just makes me this zombie like mess that can't think or give a damn about anything .. is this happiness? However this past 6 months the alcohol doesn't have much an effect anymore, its got to the point where i can go to work drunk and it doesn't hinder me at all. I'm drinking between 170 and 195 units per week and the doctor said i have about 6 years of life left at most if i continue, the strange thing is that i don't even care. I don't know what to think of this, there is no desire to break the addiction or to feel better or make progress. Physically i feel like i'm dieing, every day the body feels weaker and things are getting harder to do, i think i will be losing my job soon. I don't care if i die, i don't know if i want to or not .. there is just nothing. As i write this is don't know what kind of answer i'd expect to hear from you people, however i'm deliberately forcing myself not to drink and i'm sober today, and using my anger to express myself.