Alcohol - I Can't Stop!

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by fromthatshow, Nov 10, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I didn't even start drinking until I was 19 (I'm 20 now). The past 6 months I've drank nearly every other day or every 3 days, never going without it for more than 3 days. Recently, I got a DUI (with some other charges), and I'm doing the classes and paying the fine etc. I went a week without drinking after the DUI and it was HELL! I would never drive after drinking again EVER, but I made sure I could sleep at my friend's before getting wasted on Saturday.

    The real problem with not being able to stop is that my if my mom catches me drinking again, or at least often, she's most likely going to kick me out. She'll give me a beer every once in a while or if I drink somewhere else that's fine. But it's 9:30PM on a Tuesday night and I poured myself a mixed drink, knowing full well that if she smells alcohol on my breath when she comes home shit is going to go down.

    I can't stop! I need it. Every couple of days at least. I need it! I've tried AA. It's so boring and filled with people 2-3 times my age! I don't know how to stop this before I wind up homeless.
  2. Anju

    Anju Well-Known Member

    I know it probably sounds clich├ęd, but you can't say that you can't stop, cause that's the problem! If you say it then you think it and it becomes true, ya know? You're young and can do anything you want, it's going to be hell for a while unfortunately but that's the way of addictions if you put your mind to it you can stop. Wouldn't it be worth the short stint in alcohol deprived hell to be free of the problem? Have you told your mum that you do genuinely have a problem and that rather than threaten to kick you out it'd be more productive to help you through this? Like maybe making sure there is no alcohol in the house, trying to block off any ways you can get some etc?

    Good luck Spencer :heart:
  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you're not willing to do what it takes to stop. I'm a member of AA. You may have to live a hellish life for awhile till old man alcohol beats your bottom enough times to make a boring AA meeting look good.
  4. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    You drink as long as you want to need it. When you want to suffer no matter if it kill you mental and physical rather than take your drink you are ready to stop it.
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I keep thinking I've hit bottom but apparently I'm not even willing to give up alcohol to be able to stay where I'm living. I have to try to control myself... and probably try AA more. If not, well I'll be looking for a couch to crash on.

    Thank you guys :hug:
  6. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    If you aren't keen on AA Spencer (I wasn't) try Al-anon or Ala-teen or some other alcoholic based groups that are aimed at younger people. You may find it more helpful.

    Also ask yourself why you are drinking - I was drinking for the obvious reasons, to get obliterated and forget my problems, even if only for a while. But all the alcohol was doing was making my problems worse, as it seems is apparent for you also.

    I've now replaced alcohol with chocolate (I needed something else to make me feel better). I had a friend who did the same and replaced alcohol with weed. Now as bad as both of those things are for us, both seemed to be doing us less damage than the alcohol was.

    Also keep away from the people you drink with. They will only make you WANT to drink more and don't keep alcohol in the house. If it's not there, you can't drink it.
  7. Tastelikeblood

    Tastelikeblood Well-Known Member

    What happens at these AA meetings? You just talk about your addiction or what?
  8. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I am an AA member too. Basically, what I get out of AA, is that there are people there, that understand my addiction. We are like a wierd family.

    We do sit around and talk about our addictions. We help others to recover from this disease of alcholism. And we gain strength thru hearing the stories of others who are suffering and we provide them strength by sharing our stories.

    We do a lot of things throughout the year too to build friendships.

    We have a saying at AA. Attend 90 meetings in 90 days. If you are not completey satisifed, we will gladly refund your misery.

    I celebrated my 5 month of sobriety last night. I plan on hitting a meeting tonight.
  9. Tastelikeblood

    Tastelikeblood Well-Known Member

    What conclusions have been drawn to what classifies someone as an addict? When you drink because of a problem? Or when drinking interferes with your life, relationsip, or work? Or what else? I like to drink, but I never get sheetfaced. I drink during the week or whenever I want to, but I don't know where the line is drawn as an addiction. My main question is I don't see why people have to stop drinking completely, like maybe some of these people just need to cut down a lot... Like the internet addiction people, they said their mission is not to get people to stop using internet completely, it's to get them to use it in a more healthy manner... I drink often and i'm curious.
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    My best friend was my drinking buddy :cry:. That is so hard to keep away. I'm scared :sad:. I have a couple sober friends but since I stopped drinking (heavily), my social anxiety seems to have increased.

    I've heard that too. I've also been to NA. I'm scared to put my life on hold... but my sobriety is most important I think. And immediately (as with everything) excuses come up when thinking about it. I have no license as of nov. 29th, but... people have driven me to meetings.

    I know it's up to me. I mean I won't stop until the pain exceeds the pleasure. I'm just really scared. :hug:
  11. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I know it's scary. And when you go to your first AA meeting you will prolly cry like a baby. I know, I did. But it's ok. You will be surrounded by people that won't judge you. There only concern will be to help you.

    And then the next key is to keep coming back to the meetings. And even if your arse falls off, don't drink.
  12. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know that AA is probably my best bet. I have been there a few times and been to NA probably over 20 times.

    Anyway, it's 2:24 PM and I'm drinking again. I drank yesterday. I told my ex today that "I can't stop drinking." Actually I said this to my bandmate too. If I stop drinking I know that my mom will be happy with that decision, but things will go back to normal. She never shows me any kind of love no matter what. I don't feel like I have a good enough support team to back me when I stop drinking. AA is good and all but I have never felt there the loving support that I need from friends and family. More recently the kind of response I've got was, "Just pour it down the drain!" And my best friend hasn't really been talking to me that much. She drinks a lot. I just feel like I have no real loving support in my life for this decision.

    And the funny thing is that I'm probably going to get kicked out... in which case it would be probably very hard to find alcohol (since I'm 20) and whoever I found to take me in would not be providing me with alcohol all the time. But either way I just have this obsession that will not die.

    I don't know what kind of response I'm looking for here. I mean I can pretty much already expect it. I just wanted to spill my guts and express my misery somewhere. To people that may understand what I'm going through. If I felt that my life had any value at all, maybe eliminating alcohol from my life would be more of a priority.

    My friend is coming here in an hour and a half. I presume I'll be fairly drunk at that point. Maybe I will ruin another relationship. I am burning bridges left and right!!!!!!
  13. Eire

    Eire Member

    Yea me too, its difficult, dunno.
  14. nagisa

    nagisa Chat & Forum Buddy Staff Alumni

    Spencer, could you check yourself in some place? It might give you a head start, and you'll be more prepared to handle the outside world while being sober. :hug:
  15. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Well those places are more for people that are suffering from physical withdrawal symptoms and need to get back into a program or AA. I have never suffered serious withdrawal symptoms. Although sometimes I wake up and the first thing I think of is alcohol, I've never needed a drink to wake up. I need to drink every night... but after my DUI I went a week without drinking with only minor problems. All of the withdrawal and anguish was mental.

    Don't know. I will talk to my therapist about it tomorrow. See what she thinks. Healing is so difficult. At the same time as all this I am supposed to be looking for full-time work or full-time school or else I'm kicked out. It's all so fucking much! I am working part-time so it's not like I'm doing nothing. But fuck, it's all so much!! :depressed:
  16. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    :hug: You can always crash at my housee...
    even if it's far.. and my parents would kill me lol..

    i know it's tough spenc :console: but you can do it

    <3 i have faith in you :wub:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.