Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Scully, Oct 20, 2009.

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  1. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    is legal and cheap.

    What to say, I"m drunk. It's not everyday, or not all the time. Bu it's to get the fuck out off here. With music, and off. Do you know what I mean? Ouf o bad memories, rape, family, father, violence.

    I wish I felt lie that all the time.
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Alcohol always makes me feel worse. I do stupid things, I get myself into trouble, I put myself into dangerous situations, I say stupid things, I annoy people, I attack people, I'm a nightmare and a bad bad drunk.
    But for some reason every now and again I just need to not be in my head and to forget about this crappy world that I hate so much and want out of.

    I know what you mean Dana. The fact that it's legal and cheap make it's so much worse!
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry your feeling so down so out of control alcohol although helps for a short time you know it is very destructivful in the long run. It takes everything away and everyone. I hope you can get positive help by reaching out to people who can help you councilling for post trauma and medication for anxiety take care.
  4. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I know all that. Why i stay alone when... But I so need to get out, today, tomorrow... It's urgent. These days it's like I can't deal with "it". Rape abandonment of my true father.;; At least when I'm drunk, there's NOTHING fake all. I know I can'tb be liek that evrytime, but it's important to me why I do it. YOU understand. But you're in the rare ones. Easy those who were borne loved.
  5. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    drinking may seem to help at the time but do you think there are any positive more long-term things you could do that would help you? if you ever want to talk more about the situation that put you in the place you are we're here to listen :hug:
  6. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I'm already on therapy and meds for depression, anxiety and PD.

    I was treated like... As a child. Abused. Raped at 20. Fell preg from it and got it adopted. Well it's been chaotic in m'y two first decades. It's no excuse but lots of triggers. I was a cute and kind little girl, look at the monster I've become. I don't drink all the time because I got no alcohol at home. But once in a while I crack.

    Thanks for the comments. It' encouraging; and I always take time to think about what I read. Only, for alcohol, it could happen again within the weeks. I'm sorry.
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too want to stop drinking but keep going back to that hell hole. I must be very self destructive to keep putting myself thru this hell. What is wrong with me???
  8. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I don't have a very answer. But it's like an endless chronic emptiness, reality of the very emptiness of this world in what we live, and in myself. What is it for you?
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm exactly the same. I stopped drinking in May, I had to, I would have ended up dead.
  10. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I quit drinking yesterday. Forever. No alcohol anymore, it'd be too tempting to say "just one drink, once a week". Because I think alcohol since weeks. So I drop it. It's not as hard as when I quit smoking, as I used to smoke a box per day. I don't drink everyday. Time just seem so long without it. It's boredness and emptiness. But it's the right thing to do... Thanks, these messages made me realize it's just not a game to be funny. It's something that kills. Like tobaco. Slowly.
  11. Moob

    Moob New Member

    the fact its legal and cheap makes it acceptable to go out and get wrecked
    im addicted to alchahol and im losing friends because of it
    it can reallly put the strain on relationships with people

    i think alcohol is worse than alot of illeagal drugs just because its accepted and "everyone does it"
  12. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    You could be right Dan. On many levels, alcohol looks like a "hard" drug to me.
  13. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I cracked the other day, I drank. Or I drink, or I cut. No alcohol at all at "home" anymore. I guess the key is forget my guilt. To have let pass the right moment. To be born. How can you ever forgive yourself to have been born?
  14. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Im drinking, I hate myself; but I feel so off of these. I don't cut at least.
  15. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Took 100mg of xanax with it. I feel so well. I know it's bad, well I know, from what I leanrt because now I feel painless, it's been months since it hasn't happened at all. Somebody knows my Dad? He's creative and smart, and he let me down. I wish I could feel like that always.
  16. D's

    D's Member

    Holy shit i've been sober for a week (from drinking liquor/beer) I mean I smoke weed n stuff, but its the drinking that's a huge problem in my life.
    I really don't know what to do.
  17. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    If I knew, i'd tell you. All I know is sometimes that unbrarable pressure and pain, and lack of love ans sorrow needs to get out. Normal people don't get it, how deep and intense it is. And that one in a while, we need a moment of peace. For now it helps me from not killing myself. And hurt me makes I don't innocents or break their cars. What would be the worse? For now, i made my choice. I take it on me.
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