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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Viro, Aug 16, 2012.

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  1. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I just need to get this out of my system.

    I am an alcoholic.

    I deny it so much. My friends see it. They look at me. They joke about i t. They even took a public vote on it once. I appealed to my best friend and even he agreed. I thought he was betraying me but now I think he just meant to tell me that he knew the truth. It is the truth. I can't stop.

    I went a whole week without drinking from the 5th to 12th (my 19th birthday). On the fifth i went to this party at this guy's house. I barely knew him. Anywway, we were playing this drinking game where we had cards and had to make things out of them. I was so funny people kept voting for me to drink. SO i did. I drank so much. In addition to the predrinking where i had a shot of jiu and various mixed drinks that people had made for me, i had 4 shots of vgodka in less than5 minutse.

    Anywy this made me black out (i ama lightweight i weigh 112 lbs because i can't affor to eat properly) and they carried me to his washrroom where i vomited all over it. I puked on myself, too. So my best friend took my clothes. I don't really remember much of this but apparently i was speaking german and told him about my plan t kill myself.

    So i woke up on this guys couch wondering where my clothes were. My liver hurt for the first 2 days or so but it got much better. I think i have some sort of circulation problems or something because i was feeling numbness in my fingter when i drank the jiu. vAnd for days afterwards too.

    So i stopped drinking until my birthday when I went out. Now i have started again and got a $800 tax refund and i spent $100 on liquor for the weekend and i really need to stop I am so miserabgle

    Sorry for burdening everyone with this but i just wanted to get it out there.
  2. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    i PROMISED him I wouldne't dribnk like this
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey Adam, it sounds like your having a tough time. Now that you have the money maybe its time to see an addiction counsellor?
  4. kote

    kote Account Closed

    got a doc to prescribe you ( antabuse ) it worked for me imediately and it will scare you into not drinking.
    its a wonder drug!!!
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    I ve been a heavy dinker and big time at your age.Its called binge drinking drink to get smashed.Yeah not good idea can do real harm physically mentally.I still drink but to enjoy never let it become a habit as it did fuck some off my life up and it had no cure,and still dosnt.To spew fall over become hopeless as ya get older ya look back and think how stupid.As i said drink to enjoy but know when to stop if ya dont dont drink.Take care and we here as well anytime
  6. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I am also an alcoholic. I drink almost every day and spend anywhere between $50-$100 a week on alcohol... almost strictly hard liquor as my tolerance is too high to feel anything else. I'm not depressed because I drink, I drink because I'm depressed. And that's not going to change unless I change what's making me depressed. Rehab or addiction counseling won't work for me as I have no motivation to quit. I have no good reason to quit. I'm not dying (yet), alcohol hasn't ruined my life, I have a job, I'm not homeless, essentially there is nothing wrong with me except for my dissatisfaction with my life and whatever issues I have as a result of my unhappy life. But if you can't afford to drink as much as you do... if the alcohol is making you sick and ruining your life, ruining your friendships, etc., then you need to quit for your own benefit. Clearly the alcohol is making you more miserable than you already are/were. You're not self medicating, you're only poisoning yourself and making your situation worse.
  7. anonymousihs

    anonymousihs Active Member

    i drink a lot on the weekends too. if you're lightweight then even a little bit of alcohol can harm you which won't harm others. my friends told me that because I'm also lightweight and when i drink i always get drunk. i don't think I'm an alcoholic because I've been off alcohol for ages now. besides the alcohol, i think you also seek a counselor because you were talking about killing yourself when you were drunk. It has to be somewhere in your mind then if you were drunk talking about it right?
  8. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Yeah I know. I have had some drinks tonight but things have been a bit better because i've been so busy with work. It's really stressful but i'm making good money and I really don't feel like i'm such a fuck up anymore but I'm going to get laid off in september because it's seasonal so it's really going to suck. Not sure what I'm going to do - I thought about giving myl iquor to a friend and telling him not to talk to me if I drink.

    Sorry for bumping this
  9. tness

    tness Well-Known Member

    Give your liquor to your friend. Start to be sober one weekend, If you manage that, try the next one.
    I was also like you when I was at your age.
    But not anymore, If you survive this period of your life, there will be better days. Just slow down a little
  10. Kaganovich

    Kaganovich Active Member

    You are young enough to change this if you want to! Do the easier steps if you can't quit altogether, stick to beer, no spirits etc. wind it in slowly, give yourself achievable aims!
  11. Throwmeawayout

    Throwmeawayout Active Member

    The others are right. You can definitely still get this under control. You don't even have to think about quitting 'forever.' Sometimes the idea of that is too big to handle. Don't worry about five or ten years from now; don't burden yourself with the thought of indefinite alcoholism.

    Take small steps, today, tomorrow, and the next day to curb the drinking. Seek professional help. Tell your friends you want help - they wouldn't have been so frank about your drinking if they didn't care. It doesn't have to be a monumental struggle.
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