Alcoholic dad - can anyone relate?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pogosticker, Nov 30, 2011.

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  1. pogosticker

    pogosticker Well-Known Member

    My mother died 14 years ago. Well, it'll be 14 years ago in a week's time. It happened when I was 6 years old, so I barely remember her.

    My dad has never got over it. He's been an alcoholic for as long as I remember. He pushes everyone away and won't let anyone help him. He has ruined his relationship with me. Everyone has tried helping him in pretty much every way possible - but he doesn't seem to want help. He just turns to his booze - and of course then everyone has to face his drunken wrath.

    He sometimes cries about her when he's had too much to drink (which is often), and he'll go on about how he's slept with 100's of women since, but none of them matter, and that he never cared about any of them. He says he wishes he could trade places with her.

    He's had loads of doctor appointments but he never goes to them.

    I'm moving out because I can't be around him any more. I've done everything I can to help him, but he's driven me away and has done some things that I can't forgive him for. But despite us having no relationship, I still want him to be happy.

    Can anyone relate? Whether to me or my dad?
  2. dontwannabeme

    dontwannabeme Well-Known Member

    sadly i can :( pogosticker
    my father has been a alcholic since my birth but.
    He finally after 23 years is changing his ways as he saw what he inflicted with his actions.
    Hes working hard i dunno if he will make it or not i guess i just gotta hope for him he will.
  3. Mogwai02

    Mogwai02 Active Member

    I can relate too, pogosticker. His alcoholism is now starting to affect his health.
  4. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    Sadly, I can, as well. I come from a long line of alcoholics - on both sides. I hear that my father was an alcoholic before he passed away and that's part of how he and my mother met in the first place. (At a bar. He'd been dating my aunt but ran into my mom while at a bar ordering Jack... mother always drank Jim, bartender pointed it out and they'd been together since) After my father passed, my mom kind of got worse. It's been downhill since. She goes between being a happy drunk (in which case she embarrasses herself and can't show her face to many people come the next day) and being a depressed drunk (she, too, will cry about my father to this day). Over the course of my life, I've kind of watched her deteriorate to the point where she's already starting to suffer symptoms of alcohol dementia. It's not an easy thing to watch. Alcoholism never is. I've tried to help her, but she seems reluctant to accept the fact that it's even a problem and always has been. I, too, am at a point where I want to move out because I just can't handle it any more. It's hard, I know it is, and I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. :hug: Have you ever looked into Adult Children of Alcoholic meetings? I've never tried any myself, but that's because group meetings scare me. If you're not as scared of group meetings, it might be helpful. (Not sure if they have any in Wales, but it might be worth looking into)
  5. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Yes, my sisters and I believe now that he was a closet alcoholic for years, but when Mom passed away, he didn't bother trying to hide it. I remember one Christmas he showed up falling down drunk. He died about 4 years later.

    From my own experience (as an alcoholic myself) I believe that until an alcoholic is ready, no amount of pleading, bribing or threatening can make him (or her) stop drinking. There is a program for families and friends of alcoholics called Al-Anon, it helps them and offers support in dealing with an alcoholic.
  6. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    In a way I can relate, I mean not the alcoholic father type, but the being estranged part. Your father must really love your mom a lot but if he loves her enough then he would take better care of you. Moving out may be a good step for you because the separation can cool things down. I admire your strength.
  7. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    I spent a whole my life with my alcoholic father, well, he died a few months ago, in fact I watched him dying of heart attack, I had no feelings at all...
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