i feel exceedingly alienated in life. this issue is compounded by the knowledge of why i am alienated and my resulting inability to resolve the issue.. i am socially alienated because i am alienated from the means of production. this is no marxist ideological rant, this is not a negative belief system i would choose to change in order to cope with my existence, it is the condition of my existence which i must chance in order to believe.. i am 24, uneducated, unemployed, and i live in my grandparents basement. i am obsessed with the oppressive conditions of the capitalist society, obsessed to the point that there isn't an hour in the day when i don't return back to the monotonous inner dialog about revolution. i am alienated from my class because i refuse to submit and slave, to be exploited just to survive the prison camp. i am alienated from my community because i have educated myself beyond the point where i can convince myself i am obligated to exploited or that i can enjoy the objectified role of worker in my society. i am alienated from my peers because i am poor, unable to change this alone, and unwilling to be complacent, to think dieing of boredom is a legitimate choice over dieing of starvation... none the less, i eat and i survive, by means which i would not wish upon even my enemies. i cannot get authentic enjoyment out of any sphere of my social life, because pertruding through the landscape are the constant images of my oppressors, and in opposition of the false-consciousness of a society which lacks foresight and encourages my submission.. i am alienated from the ability to make social decisions as i am alienated from the political means to utilize or alter the aparatus, i am alienated as a consumer, because the choice is already made by those who control the means of production.. i do not seek isolationism, hippy communes, self-sustance which sets the working week back 100 years, or the nostalgia of a society without the means to communicate this message, less alone find the time to type it. i find it harder and harder every day to maintain my rationality in the face of such complacentcy and false-consciousness. i find it harder and harder to not make a scene when offered up excuses about profiteering or the benefits of being robbed.. i find it harder and harder to even look my class in the eyes and listen to them preach about the advantages of a world which controls them, exploits them, divides them, and alienates them... i find it harder and harder to even feign entertainment or amusement as a spectator in this world... i want to act, and authentically live, and change.. but alienation is not something i can change with sheer individual determination, it is a socially conscious choice, which i find harder and harder to convince myself is possible in this socially unconscious world.. i want a friend who understands me, even if all we can do is be alienated together. i want someone to love me for who i am and not as a disposition of their role in creating me, and even then, my mother has been too distracted to ever love me.. all the closeness i have ever achieved with my peers has been through deception or my repression of who i am.. and year ago, the person i am grew so alienated, it was impossible to repress, and unable to decieve anyone for longer than a few sexual encounters or a drinking bindge. i question how much longer i can maintain a value in my life... but the desire for revolution is all i value in my life. i am alone, poor, and psychologically deteriorating... i don't expect anyone to offer me any useful condolences, there likely aren't any.. what i desire is just a friend, some pleasure to the pain, and maybe even that is too much to ask. if you think you would like to befriend me, e-mail me: email@example.com or add me to aim: theutopianmob.. as depressive as this rant may have made me out to be, i can't restrain my passion and i am very ready for new experiances.