Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by utopianmob, Dec 17, 2007.

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  1. utopianmob

    utopianmob New Member

    i feel exceedingly alienated in life. this issue is compounded by the knowledge of why i am alienated and my resulting inability to resolve the issue.. i am socially alienated because i am alienated from the means of production. this is no marxist ideological rant, this is not a negative belief system i would choose to change in order to cope with my existence, it is the condition of my existence which i must chance in order to believe..

    i am 24, uneducated, unemployed, and i live in my grandparents basement. i am obsessed with the oppressive conditions of the capitalist society, obsessed to the point that there isn't an hour in the day when i don't return back to the monotonous inner dialog about revolution.

    i am alienated from my class because i refuse to submit and slave, to be exploited just to survive the prison camp. i am alienated from my community because i have educated myself beyond the point where i can convince myself i am obligated to exploited or that i can enjoy the objectified role of worker in my society. i am alienated from my peers because i am poor, unable to change this alone, and unwilling to be complacent, to think dieing of boredom is a legitimate choice over dieing of starvation... none the less, i eat and i survive, by means which i would not wish upon even my enemies. i cannot get authentic enjoyment out of any sphere of my social life, because pertruding through the landscape are the constant images of my oppressors, and in opposition of the false-consciousness of a society which lacks foresight and encourages my submission.. i am alienated from the ability to make social decisions as i am alienated from the political means to utilize or alter the aparatus, i am alienated as a consumer, because the choice is already made by those who control the means of production.. i do not seek isolationism, hippy communes, self-sustance which sets the working week back 100 years, or the nostalgia of a society without the means to communicate this message, less alone find the time to type it.

    i find it harder and harder every day to maintain my rationality in the face of such complacentcy and false-consciousness. i find it harder and harder to not make a scene when offered up excuses about profiteering or the benefits of being robbed.. i find it harder and harder to even look my class in the eyes and listen to them preach about the advantages of a world which controls them, exploits them, divides them, and alienates them... i find it harder and harder to even feign entertainment or amusement as a spectator in this world... i want to act, and authentically live, and change.. but alienation is not something i can change with sheer individual determination, it is a socially conscious choice, which i find harder and harder to convince myself is possible in this socially unconscious world..

    i want a friend who understands me, even if all we can do is be alienated together.

    i want someone to love me for who i am and not as a disposition of their role in creating me, and even then, my mother has been too distracted to ever love me.. all the closeness i have ever achieved with my peers has been through deception or my repression of who i am.. and year ago, the person i am grew so alienated, it was impossible to repress, and unable to decieve anyone for longer than a few sexual encounters or a drinking bindge.

    i question how much longer i can maintain a value in my life... but the desire for revolution is all i value in my life. i am alone, poor, and psychologically deteriorating...

    i don't expect anyone to offer me any useful condolences, there likely aren't any.. what i desire is just a friend, some pleasure to the pain, and maybe even that is too much to ask.

    if you think you would like to befriend me, e-mail me: or add me to aim: theutopianmob..

    as depressive as this rant may have made me out to be, i can't restrain my passion and i am very ready for new experiances.
  2. utopianmob

    utopianmob New Member

    please avoid replying with some message about how you couldn't understand me because i mis-spelt all of 3 or 4 words, use your best judgement about what word i meant to put or spell and i'm sure it will be literate.
  3. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way.

    I recommend reading Against Civilization. It's available at Feral It's the kind of book you can read in a week, digest for another few days, then go back to read the same essays again. It gives you the feeling that you're right and they (the corporate fucks who run civilization) are wrong.
  4. utopianmob

    utopianmob New Member

    i have read a lot of anti-civilization stuff in my life.. but thanks for the link. i sort of majored in thought-crime and defiance at the school for spontaneous action and revolutionary poetry... located in my basement.
  5. pit

    pit Well-Known Member


    Be thankful for your space, wherever you can get it.
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