There is no talking me out of this... anyone who wants me to keep on living (thus suffering) is a sworn enemy of mine and I hate them with every satanic, burning, hateful ounce of atom, particles, and tissue of my poor excuse of a body. I hate everything about this world. All the rules. All the standards. All the nonsensities. All the arbitrary bullcrap like religion and politics designed to control others. Not being good enough for anything, feeling like EVERYTHING is work, even trying to "enjoy" life... being "close, but no cigar" on my best days. Being LIED TO by people trying to "compliment" me because deep down they ultimately feel sorry for me. STOP IT! JUST STOP! STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME AND YOURSELF! LIES! THIS LIFE IS NOTHING BUT ONE BIG FUCKING LIE AFTER ANOTHER! The ultimate truth of this world is "dog eat dog" and "stay on top as long as possible." The strong eat the weak... in modern society, the more powerful (either some form of raw muscle or mental strength) dominate those with less power, and that's the way it is no matter HOW much these subjective, soft, yuppie Jesus-freak asshats who are responsible for overpopulating this planet btw try to "fight" that petulant bitch Mother Nature. I get that; it sucks but it's just science. I guess I AM supposed to be cannon fodder for the strong to destroy so they can get all the glory. Why, though, do I hate my "role" in this thing? Why can't I just enjoy being a subservient like I'm supposed to? There are many that do, who are happy with their "lot in life" as "less" than those on top... but why do I desire more? I work HARD, try to eat as healthy as possible with what little peanut pay I get for busting ass at 2 jobs that I hate (for the record I've HATED every single job AND CLASS in school and my short time at college or outside I ever had) go to the gym which I suck at just like everything else (if you ladies think you're the only ones that get body shamed, there's always me and I get it bad in many ways because I'm ugly and short,) being creative... all for nothing... I work hard only to feel that "spent" feeling when I have days off, not wanting to do ANYTHING. Oh yeah, and FUCK whoever said that bullshit that "hard work pays off." NO, it doesn't! It never does for me! Me, I bust my happy little ass at everything I do only to get no better... in fact, if I do work my ass off, I end up reversing the process and getting worse at it somehow. I'm thankful for whatever little shits I've been given in life to try and "fight" all this, but it's all futile. It's like Link trying to go against Gannon with half his hearts and without a sword and shield. I'll just never equate, because I have bad genes. My bitch-ass family never admits we have bad genes too; I'm the only one able to look in the mirror. I HATE anyone who wants me to live on. THIS is the TRUTH... the REAL reason they don't want anyone to kill themselves; it's because if I kill myself, at least there'd be some DIGNITY behind the act. However, the powers that be don't want anyone to have any dignity; that's the REAL reason why anyone who quits their job is shamed non-stop... because there's some dignity behind the act. When you're a slave on the plantation, if you run away, the rest of the slaves won't help or encourage you or even die trying... they want you whipped to the point you are in pain but can still function so you can be "put in check" so they can feel better about being slaves themselves. I also HATE anyone who says "oh, you're just thinking irrationally." I'm NOT! I see THE TRUTH! I'm more clear-headed than them... I guess the Illuminati programming and conditioning worked more on them than me, so I can only see the corruption but it's "ok" with them because hey, at least they're happy. Most people are stupid sheep and I hate them for it, but I hate myself the most of all. Go ahead and delete this if you want, I don't care. Not like I'll be missed when I finally go through with it.