All about me, me, & oh... me. *may be triggering*

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by BeautifulDisaster., Mar 9, 2010.

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  1. BeautifulDisaster.

    BeautifulDisaster. Banned Member

    So, this is about me & my struggles.

    I warn you all, this may be triggering, and very long, so you should get a cuppa and biscuits. :cake:

    I have eating disorders (a mixture of binge eating disorder, bulimia and anorexia), these have affected me for many years now, I am in recovery but I still continue to slip up and struggle day to day with them.
    Right now, I'm relapsing, but not full blown, yet.

    I have alcohol and drug addictions, both of which have caused havoc in my life, and continue to at times.
    I have been binge drink free for quite a few months now, I've only had about 2-3 binge drinking sessions last year(2009)
    Regarding my drug addiction, I take narcotics for my medical condition, M.E and other medical problems, so it is extremely hard to keep it under control and take it for the reasons it has been given to me.

    I have Emotional Dysregulation. It affects my life severely, and has done for many years now.

    I have been a Self Harmer since I was 7.
    I continue to harm myself but it's not as severe.

    I have ADHD, combined type.

    I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
    Both cause extreme distress.
    I've been suffering from them both since a very young age.

    I have Receptive Language Difficulties.
    This complicates how I interpret and understand what is being said to me, it really does cause a lot of problems in my life however I am trying to cope with this difficulty,and though it may never go away, or I may always struggle with receptive language, I will continue to try and cope with it.

    I have Severe and Complex Emotional Needs, and this was on my special needs statement.
    Self explanatory.

    I have Depression.

    Medically, I have M.E(Myalgic Encephalopathy), I developed it late 2008.
    I'm moderately-severely affected.
    Bedbound the majority of the day.
    Very rarely go out.
    Now needing a wheelchair.
    My family doubt how ill I am, and they say a lot of things that have upset me badly, I've been told it's in my head, fake, attention seeking,hypochondria, anxiety, depression, etc.
    It really has affected me, and I get zilch support from family members.

    I also have Acid Reflux Disease.
    This is more under control right now, but it flares up frequently.

    The possibilities I could have;
    Borderline Personality Disorder & Dependent Personality Disorder.
    I have all the symptoms of both of these disorders, and these symptoms severely affect me.
    I'm just waiting to turn 18 for these to be diagnosed, but they've said I have Emotional Dysregulation for now.

    It's suspected that I'm on the Autistic Spectrum, but there has been no diagnosis, and I doubt there ever will be, but it does explain a few things.

    I dropped out of school in year 7 very much because of this, and returned in late year 9 to a special educational needs school.
    This impacted me a lot, and caused deterioration in my learning skills as well.

    I was in a special educational needs school from year 9 till year 11, where I was given a special educational needs statement.

    My needs were somewhat met, however, they still failed to meet all of my needs, as said, they are severe and complex.

    I did, however become *over* attached to my tutor, she was a lovely lady, and like a mother to me.
    I miss her terribly.

    I have tried to kill myself since I was 8 years old, more than 30 times, I've actually lost count.
    Some were lethal methods, they failed, obviously.

    I continue to feel suicidally depressed.

    I have been sectioned into a psychiatric ward for 28 days which they failed to help me at all, and at 13 years of age, considered it a"phase" after lethal attempts to end my life.
    Yes, of course it is a "phase" to be suicidally depressed and very unstable for as long as I can remember.

    I have been seeing Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services since I was about 7, and I've just gotten increasingly worse as the years went by.
    I've seen countless professionals & not many have had success with helping me.
    I no longer see anyone anymore.

    I have been on the child protection register before for both abuse/neglect & for being a threat/danger to myself.
    I was taken off of that last year.

    I'm now planning to ask to be referred to Adult Services & hoping for things to be taken more seriously & for some sort of proper help & to "click" with a professional.

    Well, I realize this is a lecture, I thank you for reading all of this.


    Feel free to PM me whenever.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 9, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry for all your suffering god i do hope someone listens and is able to provide you some support you deserve. I am glad youare here lots of peope who can relate and who can give you support as well. My daughter who is 21 has many of the same symptoms as you including the processing problem It is so hard for people to want to help her because she sabatages all the help. I hope you can find a caring therapist who deals with past trauma and who can help. take care.
  3. BeautifulDisaster.

    BeautifulDisaster. Banned Member

    Thank you, I hope so too.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That's an awful lot to go through. You don't really talk about yourslef in there anywhere, just your diagnoses and problems. So when you said about you and your struggles, you missed out the 'you' part because you are so much more than all of these. Yes, you are struggling and hurting, but there is much more to anyone than their problems.
  5. BeautifulDisaster.

    BeautifulDisaster. Banned Member

    I don't believe I am much more than my diagnosis's, but that's my belief about myself.

    And, I didn't actually mean about me, I just mean it's about me & my struggles, meaning, it's about what I go through, hence the ME and MY struggles..., I just meant about my struggles, because it's to do with me, and it's about my struggles.
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you don't believe you are more than your diagnoses. I can tell you that you are; everyone else. From what I just read, for starters, you are a very kind, caring person to love your hamsters so much, you are a good animal owners and are not neglectful, you are also a good friend to them. I hope that soon you can start to see things about yourself that are outside the box of diagnoses.
  7. BeautifulDisaster.

    BeautifulDisaster. Banned Member

    I do, I just define myself by my diagnoses because I've had them all my life(well, most of them, feels as if I have).

  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Do you think its beneficial for you to do that?
  9. BeautifulDisaster.

    BeautifulDisaster. Banned Member

    For me, it is, but it's not as if it's a choice. I feel it's automatic for me. I always have done. It's not as if you can just stop, if I could I would, but I can't, so I don't consider it a choice. It's who I feel I am. Just as you consider whatever/whoever you are. You don't do that by choice. To me, anyway. If you disagree, so be it.
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It seems sad that you miss out on so much of yourself because of it, that's all. I understand its not currently a choice, but that doesn't mean that it can't be changed, if you want it to and work hard to make that happen.
  11. BeautifulDisaster.

    BeautifulDisaster. Banned Member

    Can we stop discussing this now?
    The OP was about my struggles, not about this.
    And, don't assume you know about what I want or how hard I have tried to make things happen, thanks.
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    No problem Sarah.

    I haven't made any assumptions at all. I see how hard you struggle and fight and how hard you have it. I also see how defensive you can be and how that can come across to others.

    But yes, I'll leave it. I only posted it because it was what sprung to mind when I read your post.

    Sorry, I'll leave your thread now. Take care.
  13. BeautifulDisaster.

    BeautifulDisaster. Banned Member

    My name is Aimee?

    And yes, I am defensive, I'm not always as defensive, but before it was because I don't like it when others assume things about me, so I set them straight, I'm sure others here are the same.

    Thanks for respecting my wishes.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 10, 2010
  14. lost_soul

    lost_soul Staff Alumni

    first off, i think you ned to take more credit for yourself. you are worth it and you are morethan just you r diagnosis...if it was me and mine(PTSD, bipolar, borderline skitzophrnic) i wouldnt think highly of myself either. you need to think about yourself and try and make things better. im here to help as much as i can.
    take care and stay safe
  15. BeautifulDisaster.

    BeautifulDisaster. Banned Member

    I am trying to make things better, I fight day in day out with all the strength I have mentally & physically, leaving me extremely drained.
    I'm not sure why you're doubting that I'm not just because I define myself by my diagnoses.
    That's just how I feel, I cannot control that.
  16. lost_soul

    lost_soul Staff Alumni

    im not attacking you i n any way. dont worry about that. :hug:
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