All alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Squishy, Sep 18, 2013.

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  1. Squishy

    Squishy New Member

    I've been self harming for years but for about six months now its just gotten worse and worse to the point where I want to die. I've tried getting help form the people around me and talking about the things that are making me feel bad but people around me, it seems, have given up on me. When I'm in a bad place they ignore me till it seems like its passed so I've been trying so hard to act like everything is fine but its really really not. All in all its not like my life is that horrible, it's just so many small things piling up and it just gets so heavy it's like I can't move. Some days I can barely convince myself to get out of bed. It's not that I want to commit suicide, it's more that I want all the pain to stop and dying seems the way to go in my mind because I don't really think anyone would miss me. I think they'd all be happy to see me go and not have me burdening them and bringing them down. I have no one to talk to and that's making everything worse, all I want is to believe that maybe someone actually wants me, that I actually matter, but one of the people closest to me has even said that I'm replaceable. If I ask for help they tell me to go somewhere else. I just can't take how heavy all this stuff is, I can't handle it alone and I just want it to stop.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I've had that happen to me a lot, so I know how you're feeling. It seems like when we need people the most, that's when they keep their distance. It's not right, and people should be more supportive. Welcome to the site, you certainly won't be alone here. It might not be the same as having people right there with you, but it's definitely brought me some comfort when I was at my lowest, and I hope it does the same for you.
  3. Squishy

    Squishy New Member

    Thank you :) I hope it does, I really hate being alone. I'm happy there are places like this where support can be gotten.
  4. please forgive me

    please forgive me Account Closed

    I understand how you feel, you are not alone, i am sorry you have so much pain, there are days i just cant get out of bed because i want this pain to stop, i lost my best friend, so i have come here, people seem to care here,
  5. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    Yeah - even with a bunch of people who literally depend on me for their livelihood, I feel alone a lot of the time. But when you're depressed, your feelings lie to you a lot. The fact is, you would be missed if you were gone. I'm sorry to hear that people are brushing you off and not supporting you. I will say this: sometimes when you have a depression that is really bad and persistent, so that you are repeatedly asking for support in depressed times, people (wrongly) believe that you are keeping yourself depressed just to get attention and TLC (well, there are some people who actually do, but that is because they have a problem that needs to be dealt with as well). When they think that, they start ignoring you when you are depressed. Obviously NOT a helpful or healthy response. But, it does signal what may be necessary - if your depression is that persistent, you really need to get help. Start with a therapist, and you may eventually need medications. But this is obviously not the kind of depression that will be fixed just by getting support from your friends. Support from friends is a necessary component, once you get real treatment, but friends alone will not be enough.

    And hang around here. Friendly support is helpful, even if it is just in the form of text on a screen. It has been helping me a lot, and that means something because I am a wreck right now. Take care of yourself, friend, and we'll be here for you.
  6. Squishy

    Squishy New Member

    Thank you all :) I feel really welcome and it's really nice knowing there are people who care, though its terrible that you guys have all been through such bad times. If I can help any of you then please let me know :) even just your support here has made me feel a little better. I am starting to think that I should seek proper treatment because its quite persistent and it would be nice to have more than a few good days.
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