all alone...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Love's Icy Death, Jan 7, 2008.

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  1. Love's Icy Death

    Love's Icy Death Well-Known Member

    i started the other day, i just got my pen knife out and cut a few times on my arm, it felt wierd, the pain helped ease me if that makes sense.

    my mum saw my arm and said where did you get those marks from, i said a cat scratched me, i felt so scared when she noticed it, and the lie condemed me further.

    now from my elbow down to my wrist on my left arm is covered in scars, i usually roll my sleeves up at colledge, but today i was so scared of people seeing or finding out i pulled my sleeves down.

    i cant talk to my parents or my friends cos im ashamed of their response.

    i just want someone to hold my hand and get me through this, but i again its wierd, i find the loneliness romantic, on a saturday night when my friends are out im by myself at home with red wine and my music, sometimes i prefer it...

    i guess i dont know what i want.....
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I think that finding a less harmful way to channel your frustration might be a good start.
  3. martijn

    martijn Active Member

    Usually people resort to cutting because they don't have any other alternative. (Myself included.)

    It makes perfect sense to me that the cutting helps ease you, that's the same effect I get from it sometimes. Sometimes I cut to calm myself or my mind down, just to slow down a little, be able to focus my mind on one thing only, which is an amazing relief to me.

    I see why you're embarrassed about your cuts and I know how hard it is to tell someone about it. How are you getting along with your parents? If there isn't any trouble between you, I think they would do their very best to understand you and be there for you to support you. I guess it'll scare them, but they'll probably get used to it. Also, if you're close with some of your friends and feel you can really trust them, chances are you're right. A good friend will listen to you, try to understand you and support you. Your fears aren't without reason either, though. It's possible that it'll scare some of your friends so much that their reaction will simply hurt you, so I'd carefully consider the person you'd want to tell about it first (if you should ever plan on telling anyone, that is).

    I know it's scary, but once you tell that one person that's willing to be your friend and hold your hand through all this, despite everything you're going through and the cutting, believe me - that is such a relief.

    Stay safe:hug:
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    What about punching something until your hand hurts. That might be something to try.
  5. Love's Icy Death

    Love's Icy Death Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your post:D, it has made my desision to tell one of my friends easier

    but it might take me time to build up confidence to it:rolleyes:
  6. martijn

    martijn Active Member

    I'm glad :smile:

    You could try writing a letter to your friend. That makes it easier (sort of..) and atleast you'll be sure everything you want to say is said and said in the right way. Well, atleast that's what I did and I'm glad I did it.

    Good luck :smile:
    I'll be happy to answer any questions you might have aswell, feel free to PM me if you want.
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