Well... this is my first post in this forum that i write about myself.. i've been here for a while, since before easter, i've spend most of the time on this site in the chat rooms so i could meet the sort of people who come here more faster.
This post isn't meant to ask for your self, i know that i'm FUBAR (google it), i'm perfectly aware that my life is a total loss and i chose to write this as a written legacy of Angelo, basically showing my miserable life so people might understand why i chose to end it... someday, rather than try in vain to help.
So this is my life...
I'm a 21 year old guy, i live in Romania, never finished high school, i live with my parents... well mostly my mom since dad left to another town for work and from time to time my sisters comes here and drives me to insanity..but that's another story.
As you've probably guessed it, i'm depressed 100%, i'm as down with everything as you can imagine... no social life, no friends, no job, i don't even talk with my parents anymore since i've got nothing to tell them. I just spend all day long, and i mean all day, literally 12+ hours in front of the PC listening/watching/reading stuff...and go to sleep..then wake up and go to the PC again and again. And before you tell me i should go outside more for walks trust me that doesn't help me anyway... if any i get muscle fever because i'm fat and don't excercise.. meh.. who needs a healthy body if your soul is dead...
I'm not really agorophobic.. i just don't find anything to do outside..to me my city is no different than a plain field of nothingness.. i just think that everything around me is dead and worthless for me to explore. I've been like this for more than 6 years.. sometimes i think i've been like this all my life since my childhood was horrible and was a main factor in what i've become today.
I firmly believe nothing can help me... i don't trust meds... they are just a form of getting you addicted so they dry you out of money.. well i don't generally believe that but it's a theory of mine.. basically i don't trust anything since there's more than any medicine can do to help me so i just think it's a waste of money. I've only been to a doctor 2 times... and both of them were unexpected.. i didn't know i was going to one and so my first instinct was to lie myself out of there.. told them everything is fine so they would let me leave as soon as possible... and i believe that it was some years and when i wasn't in such a desperate state so it was easier for me.
And yeah i don't believe in doctors since they would only tell me things i'm already aware and they can't really help me beyond petty self motivating advice about making yourself do something to have more self confidence and such...
I really have no desire to live on... there's nothing to life for in this world for me... i don't want to have a family... at all.. well even if i wanted to i could never find a wife dumb enough (women readers please put down your knives) to choose me. It's basic knowledge that females choose both attractive (which i'm not) and secured men (financially and so forth) in order to have a good and successful life... that's how basically evolution works..the strongest male in any pack gets the prize...
From a normal point of view i'm just a parasite who just exists.. that's it.. i have no contribution to anything, in a normal society it would be legal.. even more advised for me to commit suicide or cease to exist since i have no purpose in life and thus i have no reason to be.
I guess i'll stop here for now since i don't know what else to write about... and maybe i'll continue later if i find anything else to write about my worthless life...
This post isn't meant to ask for your self, i know that i'm FUBAR (google it), i'm perfectly aware that my life is a total loss and i chose to write this as a written legacy of Angelo, basically showing my miserable life so people might understand why i chose to end it... someday, rather than try in vain to help.
So this is my life...
I'm a 21 year old guy, i live in Romania, never finished high school, i live with my parents... well mostly my mom since dad left to another town for work and from time to time my sisters comes here and drives me to insanity..but that's another story.
As you've probably guessed it, i'm depressed 100%, i'm as down with everything as you can imagine... no social life, no friends, no job, i don't even talk with my parents anymore since i've got nothing to tell them. I just spend all day long, and i mean all day, literally 12+ hours in front of the PC listening/watching/reading stuff...and go to sleep..then wake up and go to the PC again and again. And before you tell me i should go outside more for walks trust me that doesn't help me anyway... if any i get muscle fever because i'm fat and don't excercise.. meh.. who needs a healthy body if your soul is dead...
I'm not really agorophobic.. i just don't find anything to do outside..to me my city is no different than a plain field of nothingness.. i just think that everything around me is dead and worthless for me to explore. I've been like this for more than 6 years.. sometimes i think i've been like this all my life since my childhood was horrible and was a main factor in what i've become today.
I firmly believe nothing can help me... i don't trust meds... they are just a form of getting you addicted so they dry you out of money.. well i don't generally believe that but it's a theory of mine.. basically i don't trust anything since there's more than any medicine can do to help me so i just think it's a waste of money. I've only been to a doctor 2 times... and both of them were unexpected.. i didn't know i was going to one and so my first instinct was to lie myself out of there.. told them everything is fine so they would let me leave as soon as possible... and i believe that it was some years and when i wasn't in such a desperate state so it was easier for me.
And yeah i don't believe in doctors since they would only tell me things i'm already aware and they can't really help me beyond petty self motivating advice about making yourself do something to have more self confidence and such...
I really have no desire to live on... there's nothing to life for in this world for me... i don't want to have a family... at all.. well even if i wanted to i could never find a wife dumb enough (women readers please put down your knives) to choose me. It's basic knowledge that females choose both attractive (which i'm not) and secured men (financially and so forth) in order to have a good and successful life... that's how basically evolution works..the strongest male in any pack gets the prize...
From a normal point of view i'm just a parasite who just exists.. that's it.. i have no contribution to anything, in a normal society it would be legal.. even more advised for me to commit suicide or cease to exist since i have no purpose in life and thus i have no reason to be.
I guess i'll stop here for now since i don't know what else to write about... and maybe i'll continue later if i find anything else to write about my worthless life...