This world isn't for me. The worst thing that ever happened to me was to have been born. Only during sleep do I sometimes get any relief. I dread waking up in the morning. I often think about what my last moments of life will be like since I'm always thinking about suicide. I do fear very much the act of going through with it and what - if anything - is on the other side. I often hope that the atheists are correct and that it'll just be an eternal dreamless sleep. I am agnostic. I don't know. Life and the universe are a mystery to me. Too bad I have such a lowly view of the world and what's in it. If there was a Creator - I think it did the shittiest of jobs in its design. There is no help available out there. Only money and marijuana could help me. I have neither. It was a major mistake ever touching marijuana but it's the only known thing that gets rid of my depression/suicidal thinking. I need to sell/get rid of my possessions, order a few things, write a note, and overcome my survival instincts. All hope is gone.