all hope is gone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by takencontrol, Dec 9, 2010.

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  1. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    ive been up all night deciding what i needed to tell my key worker today. havent saw her for 5 weeks because shes been on holiday and the weather keeps causing problems getting to see her. the last 5 weeks have been traumatic, decided to *** it more than a few times but managed to keep going.. just. because i knew time was going on and i would get the help i so badly need when i saw her. she cancelled, 8:30 this morning and she cancelled. i know its just one more day now because im supposed to be seeing her tomorrow now but i cannot wait another 24 hrs, im finished fighting now, cannot take another day of this pain. ive no fight left in me it took all my strength and energy to last 5 weeks im finished with it all,
     
  2. Arthur

    Arthur Account Closed

    Hey Brownie,

    Hold on another 24 hours, pm me if you want.
    I can imagine it's tough to wait that long but you have my support, pm me if you want i answer fast.

    Hang on in there Brownie
     
  3. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    Please do not give up. It will be tough but we all support you all the way.

    Steven Siew
     
  4. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    thanks steven its so difficult even just one day
     
  5. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    I know. Sometimes it is overwhelming and there is no one there to support you. Try thinking about all of us and know that we are behind you.

    Steven Siew
     
  6. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    i just wish i could die today.......right now.......
     
  7. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    Please don't. I can't stand it if you go away permanently.
     
  8. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    i cannot go on any longer, you know when people say they simply had enough of life. im there.
     
  9. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Can you take today to sit and write what you want to talk to her about. I know it must be hard, the appt keeps getting moved back, but your strong enough to get through this. Hold your head high it may be hard but your doing a great job.

    Keep coming and talking to us, even is we just chat its okay. Do whatever you can do to pass the time. Do you have to go to work today?
     
  10. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    ive been to work today just waiting on the kids coming in from school and start the next round of whatever gets thrown at me.
     
  11. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Isnt it always like that, mom can you do this, mom can you do that. Kids can sure be ungrateful cant they, are you one of the moms that feels like they should do everything because your the mom? Did you ever tell me, how old are your kids?
     
  12. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    yeah i feel i have to and do do everything. theyre 15,12,10 and 8.
     
  13. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I feel guilty to when Im asking them to do things, but as a family your supose to be a team and a team helps one another, right. I see it as your only human there is only so much time in the day and if I dont get to it then somebody else better or its not getting done.
     
  14. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    im the same i just got to the stage i cannot physically or mentally do it anymore.
     
  15. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Sorry Brownie, having issues with computer today.

    Yea, I think when you do and give and do and give, there comes a time when your empty, everything has been taken. Then you start getting stressed and depressed cause you start feeling like you cant keep up, which makes you feel like a lesser person, or a underachieved mom. Ive felt that way so many times before, but Ive come to realize I have depression, which makes it harder for me to do the simplest of things in life, like get out of bed. I literally have to talk myself every single day to get out of bed and come to work and so on. Almost every move I make is a burden to me.
     
  16. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    yeah and you know my mum has just left my house to go home and shes really upset because today she has saw first hand how my kids treat me and she doesnt like it. she has told them she wont be back on her days off and she not buying them xmas presents because of ther behaviour.
     
  17. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Sounds like my kids and yours act alot alike. Maybe its time to give them a wake up call, to let them know you didnt have them to be their slaves, your not there to wait on them.

    Call a family meet, sit everyone down including your husband, tell them what your thinking and how you feel. Even if it only helps for a couple days, atleast you got out there what your going through and what you expect of them, and you can ask them what they expect from you, let them know if its out of the question or even doable.

    Do you and your H ever get to go out just you and him? Thats a big one in our house, we can never get a sitter to watch them, even to go to Walmart or something as simple as that, without paying atleat $30.

    I think you also need to get ME time, without it you can drive yourself crazy, I know I do. Sitting there listening to the kids argue and fight, then you start thinking is this all Im getting, is this what my life is? Def try and get out, even if its to the store to get groceries (leave the kids at home, take your time) tell your husband that hes just going to have to get over it, you both decided to have kids and it takes both of you to raise them.
     
  18. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    its hard to get out because of the kids and graeme works long hours because hes self employed. i would rather stay in and get a take away its too much hassle getting out.
     
  19. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Yea, Im a homebody to, thats why I go to my room and lock the door alot, lol.

    But sitting and staring at the same walls day in and day out, with the same routine (cleaning, work, kids, H) can get very boring and tiresome. I start to feel like a robot doing everything for others then putting myself in the closet for the night. Like they cant be bothered while watching sports or playing video games, brats.

    Do you ever get to go on vacation?
     
  20. takencontrol

    takencontrol Well-Known Member

    yeah we usually go once a year but didnt go last year because the time we usually go was when we were moving back into our own house after the fire so we didnt get away.
     
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