All Hope Is Lost And Can Not Go On Any Longer

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by **The_End_Is_Nigh**, May 28, 2010.

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  1. Hi guys

    I am new to this forum and found this one straight away the best one on the internet did not need to bother to look down the rest of page 1 this one shows allot of promise, it was like god wanted me to come straight here to chat about me being suicidal and trying to heal (famous last words).

    A little bit about my life:

    From the day I was born to the present day being a 26 year old male in July I have been mentally and physically abused by my father since I was 6 years old, I have been mentally abused by my mother and have always been treated like a bubble boy and a disabled child since I was born, I have been mentally and physically abused at all three of my schools I went to for 6 years non-stop and left when I was 13 years old and have no G.C.S.E’s.
    My Aunts husband took a disliking to me and turned his family including my two cousins who I got on with against me and they even managed to poison our whole family against me for a couple of years which included my mum, My whole family thinks I am a loser and a failure just because I have had several careers such as: Golf, Animal Care, Administration and Equine which all crumbled of no fault of my own.

    Since I left home when I was 14 years old and living with my grandparents my father has been continuously stalking me even when I am out and about going here there and everywhere and since 2009 I do not speak to my mother.

    Since 2002-2007 I spent the majority of my days alone in my bedroom as I had given up altogether with my careers above and life and had been put on benefits from 2002-2010 and still on them. In 2007-2009 I plucked up some courage to learn Web Design and Development at a College near by, I was doing so well until.... the College decided to remove the NVQ Level 1 in Web Design and Development course in September last year, tried to do some more of the small adult courses but the same happened I was not getting enough help and it seemed so repetitive as if it was the same course over and over again as did not learn anything new so I gave up as could not handle the stress any longer.

    I have tried to teach myself Web Design and Development since November of last year but I need 1-1 tutoring like anyone does as I am finding it hard to learn on my own. I am at the lowest of the low and relying on bottles of Vodka to help me at night times just so I can relax and be happy! Now the Conservatives have got in they are planning to get rid of benefits especially to people who can work (like me) so I guess I won’t be able to rent a flat as planned to get rid of my mucked up family and live a normal life.

    So now you know why I would like to commit suicide where do I go from here? Heaven or try and bear the torture of my family and ruined life, where are the positives??.

    I would love to shout out “I GIVE UP TAKE ME TO THE PEARLY GATES NOW!!”.

    I hope you can help me out as I do not want to die but by the looks of things it is on the cards so to speak. My catchphrase seems to be “Whatever I do it always goes wrong”.

    Kind Regards, **The_End_Is_Nigh**
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    HI and welcome to SF....
    you have come to the right place for support....
    keep reaching out as ther are many here who can relate to how you're feeling....
    don't give up....
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    hey i am sorry everyone abandoned you we won't here keep talking okay keep reaching out. i hope you have a psych doctor to help you there are services that can get you a job that fits your illness so you can work again if you want to. keep trying okay don't let anyone tell you you can't do anything because you can okay you can
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you have a very poisonous family dynamic. I'm sorry you have to live with people that you do not get along with.

    I hope that you begin to feel better soon.
  5. emptiness333

    emptiness333 New Member

    Hey , it sounds like you've had to deal with some very unkind people in your life time.
    Don't give up on life.. I too am new to this forum, and it really helps us who feel like this to talk with people who feel the same way. So you did the right thing joining. Remember you are still young and its not too late for your life to turn itself around okay.
    I hope things can change for you and you can start to feel better soon.
  6. Mylesk

    Mylesk Member

    My mother has gone through physical child abuse from her father, multiple rapes, and has gone through drug abuse almost her whole life. She had one abortion from rape, and I happen to be a mistake from her and my father. Through all of this, my father has stayed with me and my mother, and helped her turn her life around. She recently moved for a job and is working full time and loving it. She is no longer an alcoholic or drug addict. My point is that no matter how bad your life may be, there will eventually be a turning point. Stay willing to survive, and make the right choices. I am happy to read that even though the courses you were taking were not helping, you did not give up and tried to teach yourself. You are going the right way, do NOT give up.
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Are there any home schooling courses you can take in web design?? That might be an option.. Don't give up on yourself.. Your only giving into the abuse you took from your family.. I doubt you are a worthless human being.,.I try to think the best of everyone all the way down to homeless people..Life is hard.. You can turn all this around.. Are you seeing a pdoc?? Or a therapist?? They can help you..
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