Red trail I've been there. We have to learn we can only fix what is fixable, the rest has to be put aside. I let all my worries control me until I wanted to die. But now I have decided I will begin today to start doing what I can do, for today. I can't change the past and don't know what the future holds, none of us do. Just try to start living in the moment, and realize you are only human and can only do so much. Hang in there.
As long as you're here looking for help, you're not beyond it. Some things may not have worked to help you in the past but there are still options and doors open to you.
Having a support network both online and in real life is important, which is why SF is great, and you know you can PM any of us at any time and we'll lend an ear. If you haven't already, though, speaking to your GP might help as well. If you're struggling and need help, there are lots of people out their whose job it is to help you, and speaking to your GP about it might clue you up on who and where they are, and what they can do for you.
Life might seem unbearable, and it might seem that it won't get any better, but as long as you're alive and fighting there's the very real chance that things will get better.
thank you. im in the midset right now of being beyond help but yeah, deep down i know there is help out there, my mind is just to god damn ignorant and wont allow myself to find it.... if tht made any sense at all...