I have posted here before but my situation hasn't really changed and may have gotten worse. I have just graduated college and moved back in with my parents indefinitely. Everything is a mess. I'm in love with someone who doesn't love me back. And it's all I can think about for almost 2 months now. And it makes me incredibly sad. I don't really have friends here at home, due to my social anxiety in high school, and I haven't had a job since 2007 for the same reason. So, I just sit here. I do have one friend here but its a pain for me to see him and he's not free that often either. So, most of the time, I just sit in my home with nothing to do. I'm afraid of the world. I have a car but driving anywhere scares me as I get lost easily and am a terrible driver. Driving anywhere alone gives me horrible anxiety. I'm scared of doing everyday tasks like pumping gas or getting money out of an ATM machine and similar things because of their unfamiliarity to me. This is because my parents have been overbearing and have done everything for me my entire life. So, I fear the unknown I suppose, and I fear being judged by others. This almost disables me from doing anything alone. These fears have gotten much much better and slowly decreased since high school but they still have a hold on me. As I said, I have no job and I don't know what to do with my life. This has made it incredibly hard for me to look for jobs. And in the searching I have done I have just gotten confused and overwhelmed. I'm incredibly unhappy. Yesterday for Christmas grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all came over. It helped a little. I appreciate that I have family. Family does not bring happiness on it's own though, one needs more than that. I actually cried in the shower yesterday for ten minutes straight. And not the kind of relieving cry that makes you feel better after, this was the kind of cry that I had to force to end. My parents just went out shopping actually today and the second I knew I was home alone, I started crying again. Speaking of family, I fight with them all the time, because I'm unhappy which just makes me irritable and kind of a jerk. There's a lot more that I could say, but I'm sick of feeling alone and useless. I just wanna kill myself. Desperately almost. It's a bit of a fantasy for me. I'm just scared of failing. Or scared of feeling pain. We have some guns in this house. They are in a safe though and I don't know the code. I don't know what to do anymore. Life is too fucking hard.