I am a seventeen year old male. I have felt frustration, emptiness and suicidal thoughts for the last three years. I'm sick of pretending my life means anything when this is all I can feel. All I can do with my life is destroy members of my family; the only people in the world who'll ever really help me. These feelings won't go away and if I don't end my own life I fear I might just become a burden to everyone; myself included. Today, after a small argument with my mother, she called me "mad" which I hate. I reacted by verbally abusing her, bringing up mistakes from her past. When she turned around to ignore me, I flung my hand at her back (I know, disgusting). It wasn't hard, and it was only when I saw my Mum's reaction that I realized what I'd done. I didn't realize it at the time, but I hit a woman. I don't want to live as that sort of person; but when I can't love other people or feel close to them, I don't know what else I can be. The frustration, loneliness and boredom just swells up and in the end it's my family that suffer. I don't want to live if all I do is give them pain. I never wanted to be that sort of person, but it's too late now isn't it? I hit my own mother, the lowest action I could possibly commit. There's no going back now is there? should I just end my life before things get worse?