I want to scream but can't. I want to cry but force myself to look happy. I want nothing more than to leave, but I am forced to stay. Heaven help me. Right now I'm stuck at my grandparent's taking care of my grandmother. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandmother and my grandfather, but honestly being here over 2 months would drive ANYONE nuts. My grandmother can barely stand. She's losing all strength in her legs. My grandfather is a hot headed old southern man who yells with ease. I got up here on August 2nd, told I would be here a month. Now It's October 8th and I'm not even sure I'll be home by the beginning of November. This is driving me insane. And god almighty I'm trying SO HARD not to just blow up at someone because I want to go home and actually live my life. Today my grandmother had to go for a test at the hospital I had to lift her out of her chair and onto the bed. The person at the hospital couldn't even do it, I had to. We have to go into town on both Wed. and Thur. too. She's getting worse, and I can't stand this. And then there's another thing that REALLY drives me nuts. The two of them are TERRIBLE with technology. I spend a lot of time fixing problems that most people have the sense to be able to try something and fix it themselves. Either that or I'm just REALLY good at pretending that I know what I"m doing and making tech agree with me. But really, when someone can't even figure out how to make a program on a computer open it just frustrates the hell out of me that I have to do it over and over and over again. And of course they talk about my cousin who is my age, both of us born in the same year and same month even, just 10 days apart. "She's doing so well!" "Oh I miss her." "She's doing great for someone her age!" And there I am, sitting in their living room, unemployed and not even able to go looking for a job in peak hiring season, ONCE AGAIN, because I'm helping them out. Hell I can't even apply to a job because I don't know when I'll be out of here. Tonight I'm really really hoping I'll be able to go outside and try to see the meteor shower. Maybe that will help me relax a little bit. Honestly I just want to break a bone, sprain something, or just get into some kind of accident so I'm physically unable to help anymore.