All I feel is rage

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Songstress, Oct 8, 2012.

  1. Songstress

    Songstress Well-Known Member

    I want to scream but can't. I want to cry but force myself to look happy. I want nothing more than to leave, but I am forced to stay. Heaven help me.

    Right now I'm stuck at my grandparent's taking care of my grandmother. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandmother and my grandfather, but honestly being here over 2 months would drive ANYONE nuts. My grandmother can barely stand. She's losing all strength in her legs. My grandfather is a hot headed old southern man who yells with ease.

    I got up here on August 2nd, told I would be here a month. Now It's October 8th and I'm not even sure I'll be home by the beginning of November. This is driving me insane. And god almighty I'm trying SO HARD not to just blow up at someone because I want to go home and actually live my life.

    Today my grandmother had to go for a test at the hospital I had to lift her out of her chair and onto the bed. The person at the hospital couldn't even do it, I had to. We have to go into town on both Wed. and Thur. too. She's getting worse, and I can't stand this.

    And then there's another thing that REALLY drives me nuts. The two of them are TERRIBLE with technology. I spend a lot of time fixing problems that most people have the sense to be able to try something and fix it themselves. Either that or I'm just REALLY good at pretending that I know what I"m doing and making tech agree with me. But really, when someone can't even figure out how to make a program on a computer open it just frustrates the hell out of me that I have to do it over and over and over again.

    And of course they talk about my cousin who is my age, both of us born in the same year and same month even, just 10 days apart. "She's doing so well!" "Oh I miss her." "She's doing great for someone her age!" And there I am, sitting in their living room, unemployed and not even able to go looking for a job in peak hiring season, ONCE AGAIN, because I'm helping them out. Hell I can't even apply to a job because I don't know when I'll be out of here.

    Tonight I'm really really hoping I'll be able to go outside and try to see the meteor shower. Maybe that will help me relax a little bit.

    Honestly I just want to break a bone, sprain something, or just get into some kind of accident so I'm physically unable to help anymore.
  2. ACPhilosopher

    ACPhilosopher Active Member

    I know exactly how that feels because I took care of my mom while she was dying of Alzheimer's. You shouldn't even try to take care of your grandparents alone, but other people will abandon the situation and leave you with the whole burden if you allow it. Do you have any other family members who live close by? They need to be involved in helping.

    One place you need to go is to your local Area Agency on Aging. They will have social workers who can help you get assistance with your grandparents needs. The situation is not going to improve; their health will get worse, so you need to help set up a plan for assisted living or a nursing home when the caregiving gets to be too much for you.

    The people at the Area Agency on Aging will know about local resources, Medicaid and legal aspects of the situation. The laws are complicated regarding Medicaid and long term care, and you definitely need to seek legal advice before doing anything like selling their home, etc. Medicaid ends up paying for most nursing home care after all the elderly people's money is spent, and there are complicated rules and applications that need to be filled out when they start to get close to running out of money.

    It won't take long because nursing home care costs about $6,000/month, and Medicare does not pay for that after the first 120 days. Most people have no clue how expensive elder care is, and how little is covered by Medicare. A nursing home will quickly run through the average person's assets in a couple years or less.

    Dealing with negative feelings, coupled with guilt about having those feelings, is very frustrating when you're trying to take care of people with multiple health problems and dementia. There is plenty of information on the Internet about caregiver burnout and dealing with the emotions involved in elder care. My heart goes out to you. My mom was bedridden for 1-1/2 years and it was the hardest 1-1/2 years of my life. You are definitely going to need practical help and support to get through this situation.
  3. Songstress

    Songstress Well-Known Member

    The biggest problem is that my grandparents live at least few hours away from everyone in my family, and worse yet at least 30 minutes from the closest town. I actually had to move in with them to take care of my grandmother, a situation that was supposed to be temporary. My uncle comes and visits them as often as he can and helps with some stuff outside, but the problem is my grandmother basically needs help 24/7. My grandfather can normally help her out at night, but sometimes even then they need extra help.

    I can't even go into town and find a local center for any of this, mostly because my grandparents are also just too stubborn to even think about assisted living at the moment. Plus they honestly won't listen to me about this kind of stuff because I'm "just a kid." It frustrates the hell out of me. All they really want me to do is cook, clean, do laundry, and get grandma around the house. They don't really want my opinions on anything unless I'm helping them to fix something that's broken.