All I need is a friend

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Felomena, Aug 11, 2011.

  1. Felomena

    Felomena New Member

    Hi everybody.

    The reason I came here is a deep loneliness and inability to share it with even my dearest people. It might be just my fear of not being taken seriously and sounding too dramatic, or it might be their reluctance to understand me.

    For a couple of days I've been thinking about the purpose of all those social networks, if you cant even share things that trouble you most. You all sure have noticed that some stupid and meaningless pic gets most of the comments. But when you post something with just just a slight resemblance of ameaning you might wait for ages, but nobody will ever ask what you meant and how you are doing,whether you are okay...

    It makes me sick, this indifference. Someday you get to the point where you dont even want to share what's really on your mind, since your fear of being either riduculed or just ignored is too overwhelming. That's where I am right now.

    It hurts so much, when people you like turn a cold shoulder on you. I open my soul to them, but it turns out they never asked for it. I feel betrayed and try to build a wall around me, promising never to make the same mistake again. And then I meet another one, who seems to be a soul-mate, something special... But the same story repeats. The real cruel thing is the more mistakes I make, the stronger is the desire to find this special him or her... the more attached I feel to the next one whom I feel sympathy for... and the more my hearts bleeds in the end. Probably I just need to learn not to expect that much from others and stop hoping that they can open their souls to me as fast as I do...

    All those people who run amok or commit suicide.... They do that because most of them feel so lonely. Because at some crucial point of their lives nobody is there to just listen, let alone trying to understand. I honestly do not want to get to that stage. All I want is a friend, somebody who will not laught at me and my thoughts and dreams, who would not be scared off by them.

    I am so tired of people spitting at my soul or ignoring it.


    Thanks for reading this
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you feel that isolated...I truly know what it is like to paint myself into that corner, and it is awful...I think what goes hand and glove with being lonely is feeling ashamed...it is what crippled me for many yrs and had me feel so unworthy of sharing my feelings and presuming I will not be well received...please know my PM box is always open if you wish to share...also, please be safe and kind to yourself...J
     
  3. Comrade Napoleon

    Comrade Napoleon Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean exactly. I am always the person that is jolly and happy, but inside I am sad and depressed. I masked away all those emotions for the same fear you have... to be ridiculed or looked down upon.

    I realized how many of those "supposed" friends are just acquaintances, not true friends. They always criticize me and ridicule me, and I just laugh it off without showing how much it hurts.

    I am 24 and I haven't had my first love, one of my biggest fear is I am going to died in the street alone and all my "supposed" love ones would not react without any remorse or sadness to my absences.

    I understand how you feel. You aren't the only one that feels like that.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just want to say hi hun your not alone now okay pm me anytime you want to talk hugs
     
  5. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    I feel so increasingly alone and empty and quiet these past weeks and tonight its only growing worst. I wasnt sure to make a post about it. I dont know anyone i can talk to about this and noone cares especially not here or anywhere else when people have their own problems to worry about. This is a well written post and i completely feel the same way these past weeks. Thanks
     
  6. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Felomena, hi there. :) On your behalf, I'd like to say that you are very much worthwhile... I commend you on your time and effort spent trying to cultivate and keep long lasting relationships. Putting yourself out there like that... I am pleased to read stories from people like yourself. Bravo.

    Keep the faith,

    Alex
     
  7. Felomena

    Felomena New Member

    Thank you, Alex :) Your reply was very encouraging on the one hand. On the other hand tho it made me think once again, whether it's all worth it... I cant help thinking, how stupid it is to keep looking, keep hoping to find somebody trustworthy. With every failrure disappointment becomes even bigger
    Anyways, thanks for your reply. I will do my best :)