Previous attempts of overdoses have failed because I sought a easy and painless way. I was ignorant and obviously didn't follow instructions etc. There is no painless way so if someone is looking for it I suggest you forget suicide altogether and try and find a way to live. Its the best advice this stupid lady can give right now. Looking at all the options I do see the answer and it comes down to guts. It is the more "daring and violent" (for the sake of better words) of options that tend to work and those take a serious commitment and real guts. Not something that many of us can muster. Is this insane? Sure it is. But I am insane with pain and cannot understand why I have wanted to die for so long, have tried for so long but cannot succeed. I am not that dumb, I know something is stopping me. But I must overcome what ever that is and if it means tossing myself into a violent way to go to assure there is no turning back than I have to consider it. I cannot stop my obsession with suicide nor can I stop my pain. I can only stop my life.