All I think.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Neverhappyalwayssad, May 1, 2009.

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  1. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    All I think is I want to die. How dieing would be best thing to happen to me. Like that song Mad World - "And I find it kinda funny I find it kinda sad
    The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had." Plans, plans that never work or are way to hasty to work. I don't dream of big dreams anymore. All my dreams are of death, my dieing the world, my world ending. Giving up, is what I've done. Hopeless, joyless, that is me.

    Funny the way it is, I want to die and people who are dieing don't want to. I know the future holds nothing for me, I know its my destiny to die by my own means. Planning, but am I planning for failure I hope not. My therapist has said that "suicide is easy, and I wanted to be found both times I tried". Maybe that holds true, I don't know. My therapist says im manipulating my parents to take care of me so I don't have to find a job, and that is probably true but I dont want to find a job and I don't think Im manipulating on purpose. I just don't see whats the point of getting a job when soon, I'm gonna be dead. I know I can't survive on my own its hopeless to think otherwise. Oh well soon, not sure when I don't have a date but I can't go on anymore. Maybe I'm looking for attention as alot of people think I'm doing. I once got asked by an EMS person "so your doing this for attention or what" LOL no I'm doing this because I want to die. I didn't expect my dad t owake up that early, and to notice an empty pill carton thing.
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I was just thinking this again for the hundredth time myself. I know someone who is in final stages of breast cancer. She has so much to live for. She wants to live. I have nothing really to look forward to. And I think I wish it was possible to give her my life and give it some meaning. Give it a purpose. But I cant. And my attempts have been too screwed up. So here I still am. Struggling everyday with the thoughts and pain and demons and just wishing it would all end.

    But somehow I seems to find myself back here. Among people that really do care about me. Try to help me see a future. I cant say that I ever will but atleast here somebody knows my pain and tries to help. So please keep posting. Please keep sharing. Atleast give people a chance to try and show you a different tomorrow.
     
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