Another year of insane thoughts, sad days, suicidal ideas, sleepless nights, tear stained sheets and prayers to die is about to pass. Just how many more years can I be expected to keep this up? The doctors, the therapy, the medications, the faith. I think I have tried my very best to explore all the options that are available to me for help. Sometimes you just have to accept that this is just who you are. I guess I do not mind it, but I do not feel I can live with it that much longer. I have been like this for 7 years so I have held on long enough and through 4 suicide attempts so I feel like I have paid my dues so to speak. I am not sure why am writing this now, I guess I am feeling very down tonight and just needed to talk to someone. Thank you.