All in my mind nothing happened

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by total eclipse, Jul 12, 2009.

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  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I feel everything is just all in my mind refuse to believe any of it. I am not her i am someone else. nothing happened nothing really feel i don't need to talk about past anymore because i am not her haven't been for a long time I am a somebody now.
     
  2. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Who would want to be that helpless, hurt person in the past.....

    That proves you aren't crazy! Coming to terms with that hurt part of you, that you have pushed away to survive, starts with knowing it wasn't her - or your - fault.

    Thank G-d - you know you are somebody!! That means, so is she.

    I've spent so much time telling myself that "she is me" and trying to accept "I am that little girl, raped in her own bed...". It is excrutiatingly hard to do and yet the only way to become whole and heal is to care about that hurt part of who you are.

    You are a survivor! I hurt for you in the confusion and pain that you have expressed. So sorry that you are experiencing this. Is there anyone you can go to? perhaps therapy?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    no no no no nothing has happened to me it wasn't me she was a noone she was nothing she is pathetic noone wants her even today she is banned from forums no one wants her i hate her for trying i hate her for coming back i want her gone she is not me never will be me mary is gone i don't want her back. I am in therapy and i am not going back i decided after i get my daughter help tommorrow i don't want to exist anywhere. Tell the other forum to delete everything i hate him he was mean to her He locked her out of forum i hate him. They are kind here no one hurt her here but i don't know what to do after tommorrow my daughter will be gone my twin is gone iam all alone I don't want to be alone please i am so frightened no one understand they all thing i am bad I am not i am good i am going now I am so sorry for rambling on I am so sorry just too much confusion and pain god i hate me so much for being this way please don't be mad.
     
  4. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    It brings tears to my eyes to hear the struggle going on within you.

    I have felt something similar so often - it is an awful place to be.

    I am so sorry...Keep reaching out

    Get help from someone...I know it is terrible to feel so alone and in pain.

    :hug:
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry about my last post something someone triggered me im sorry. I am alright now don't worry Im okay take care
     
  6. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    i sometimes feel like that, that everything happen to this other person tht wasnt me, but then the harsh reality hits me
    you been there for me recently when ive needed someone and im here for you when you need someone mary your a fighter and i have so much respect for you x
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Thank you Aimee i hope you are doing well these days i am okay now really A fighter i used to be sometimes the fighter is too weak I am just a survivor now but thats all we can do is survive for others survive for hope better days are ahead. We cannot let anyone take our power away from us because that would make them winners and there is no way they will ever win. Keep fighting and getting better show all of them you are better then them. take care mary
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    the last thing i wrote question or statement i made to someone was i think i was starting to understand i think i was getting confused between my daughter and this child inside. i was so frightened so confused didn't want anyone to take her away because i wanted to protect her. It wasn't my daughter i neededto protect was it The past keeps coming back confusing me
    i never got a reply because it was never allowed togo through. good thing because she is not well she is not a doctor i am so confused I want to protect everyone when i think now all this dam fear all this dam need to protect others is just a emotion fear from past I am not stupid really just so confused at times Jz always seemed to know this see this confusion but no one else i hope she stays well she deserves to be happy and well I am glad she is getting help and support she needs. i am slowly figuring things out not that it matters anymore really nothing matters now. So dam fed up with me and my stupidity not seeing things the way they are christ no wonder i was not wanted so f stupid how could i not see best thing he did was throw me away i don't need anyone remember just need me remember don't trust remember so much pain god smarten up and grow up now don't let anyone hurt you again okay. fffff i hate me i hate me i hate me.
     
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i need my daughter home i need her home so thisother child goes away please i can't do this anymore i want it over.
     
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    When will this stop i can't keep on like this i am not her will never be her again this will end because i will make it end. if only
     
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    why does he keep making me feel this pain when all i want is for it to go away. god i need to let it all go nothing happened mary nothing please let it go let it go i said please. Nothing is going to change is it nothing you just have to shut your brain down shutit off don't go there okay you are strong remember that don't let them win.
     
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