All ive ever caused in life is sadness

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by anonymous51, Aug 21, 2007.

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  1. anonymous51

    anonymous51 Staff Alumni

    For the past year ive been in a form of limbo status figuring out what life means to me and what i want in the future, and to be honest, the outlook isnt good. For quite a long time since i last attempted things had started to look up and i was kind of optimistic. Now i realise that the only things that where giving me this happiness where the day dreams and fantasies i have while living.

    There is absolutely nothing that i have to be proud of, not even a drawing that my parents praised me for and put on the fridge. I had the means to become popular and happy but something just fucked up inside my brain.

    I am permenantly in a state of paranoia and self shame. I try so hard to tell myself that noone is ganging up on me and those people arent laughing at you but i just fall deeper. Im afraid of making friends incase theyre just pretending to be nice to me and make fun of me behind my back. Sometimes when i was younger it was so bad a couple of times i was scared that my parents where ashamed of me and where putting poison in my food, or would wait for me to go to sleep and suffocate me.

    Im so afraid of what im going to turn into when im older, i think it would be a good idea to just end it now before i fall into insanity.

    Ive always tried to be courteous and friendly to every stranger i meet, so that they would do the same to me, that shows how selfish i am. I am such a lazy arrogant prick. I am fucking worthless. Every time i try to be nice to others and make friends, they think im some sort of stalker freak and stay as far away as possible.

    I dont want to be someone that others look at, and ressure themeselves and say "at least im not THAT bad"

    All ive got to do now is pluck up the courage and prove to myself that i am capaple of being an honourable human being and end myself before i infect the planet.
     
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Don't let go of your dreams and hopes. You've got something that not too many people have...thats a good heart. You want to strive to be better and thats a rare quality. You always want to be a good person, it seems to me you are.

    Have self belief that as you go through life, you will achieve your goals and dreams. Also believe in yourself. You seem genuine and I believe you can make your life soo much happier.
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you really need to go see someone about this. Sounds like a bad dose of paranoia and that is an awful feeling and will stifle everything you try to do :hug:
     
  4. Waugriff

    Waugriff Active Member

    I read your post and I thought to myself, Wow. This person really has something to him. Dreams are a wonderful thing that can create new ideas and even a better future. Dreams are what built up the world, in both good and bad ways. You may be just a little different from others, but I think thats only because you really havent found yourself yet. I think that as you grow you will really shine in this world, never lose your dreams and keep fighting for them. One day, those dreams may become a reality.
     
  5. anonymous51

    anonymous51 Staff Alumni

    Im so pissed off that i havent found myself yet. When am i going to find it, ive completely wasted my teenage years, the time that everyone says are the best times of your life and you have to live life to the full and its nearly gone now.

    Why cant i just be like a normal person, have friends and get girlfriends, then settle down when im older and marry someone.

    Ive realised that ive missed out on so much that all those other people are having the time of their lives now, and are going to enjoy their memories when theyre older.

    I on the other hand, am pathetic now, and will be pathetic when im a sick old man with a rapidly declining mental state, and the only memories ill have will be when i was pathetic as a teenager.

    The more i think about life, the more i believe that suicide is the best option for me. I know its sad and hurtful but i think some people just werent destined to be on this world
     
  6. silent_enigma

    silent_enigma Well-Known Member

    Teen-age years suck. I'm glad I don't have to go through school again. Aside from my recent bout of depression, it gets better later on.
     
  7. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :sad: Here anytime you want to talk.. xxxx.
     
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