All my problems are from DRINKING

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Troubled2008, Mar 3, 2009.

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  1. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    I had a good life and a good job before... I was sober, didn't eat meat, and didn't smoke. People respected me and I couldn't have been happier. I exercised almost daily and slept well everynight. I always got up right away in the morning, ready to take on the day. I was happy basically all the time.

    I was in my early 20's and had never really read much about addiction or alcoholism. I had overcome alcoholism when I was 22 but I did it on my own without ever reading it or officially "knowing how" people do it. I just did it. And I was a very heavy drinker!

    Well... Having never read much about it, I didn't know that if you're like I am and you quit, you can never ever EVER EVER go back, not even for one drink EVER! I did not know this and drank at Christmas one year. Since then, I have spent about 5 or 6 years trying to quit.

    The first time I quit, it was easy. I just did it. Maybe it was because I was younger and didn't think about it much. It is MUCH harder this time around but also, life has changed and I am facing different problems than I did before. I wish I could erase the last 5 years and have a do-over but I lost my flux capaciter AND the Dolorean so I'm unable, at the moment, to go back in time.

    I have some money problems and problems with mate issues right now and a lot of anxiety. Believe me, none of this is helping me kick the drinking. I'm the type of person where when I sober up for just a week or two, my WHOLE life will go BACK into focus. EVERYTHING will be different.... Right now, I'm getting horribly depressed because I always embarrass myself when I drink and I HATE getting up the next day, thinking, "Oh, I've done it now!"

    So anyhow... I have depression and emotional problems which are essentially 99% influenced by alcohol. None of my other problems bother me when I don't drink. I completely have empathy for ANYONE suffering from any type of addiction. You can't understand it unless you've been there. It can be so hard and so sad. So next time you're about to call that junky on the street a loser... Think about that they don't want to be like that. They really want a normal life. Just like me.

    So anyhow... I guess if anyone is an addict who is reading this, maybe we could try to quit together or something. The first time I quit, at day 14, it was like someone flipped a switch and I just all of a sudden became a completely different person with a completely different life. It was AMAZING. I want to do it again.

    I MUST LIVE THAT LIFE AGAIN!!!!!!!!
     
  2. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Hello my name is Forpetessake and I am an alcoholic. I had 4 months sobriety and feel off the wagon hard in the past 2.5 weeks. I'm game if you are. :smile:
     
  3. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Haha! I'm usually an unwise person to challenge! I accept! Yeah, I've fallen off real hard the last couple weeks. But screw it... I hate my life when it's like this. For me, there is definitely a point where everything just changes and goes back to being good. It's the first week that's really tough for me. But I guess if someone else is going to quit at the same time, I'll have to do it!

    I got the idea to maybe respond to this thread everyday for 14 days. Well, for me, that's my magic number where the stuff is out of my body. I know it could be different for everyone. Heck yeah, I'm ready to be happy again. Let's do it!

    Here is a link for a video which is the best ever about alcoholism:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-lizCPRazw

    I really love it. It's a guy who tells about how he quit drinking and smoking. It's about 8 minutes, WELL worth it. I plan to watch it probably twice a day because it's inspiring. Alright then. The game is on!

    :patriot: Aye, aye, and all systems go!
     
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I can't access youtube from work here.
     
  5. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Ah. Well maybe if you have a computer at home... If not, no big deal.
     
  6. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Well today is the first day that I won't be drinking. It's kind of hard to call me sober because I drank ALOT last night. I'm pretty confident that I'll quit this time. Maybe it's just the right time.

    As I am self-employed, I will be just basically sitting at home recovering today. I feel that I got another chance last night and don't want to blow it. I could have gotten in trouble for sure as I was completely blitzed. Today, I'll be enjoying just a quiet day with my family which should be fine because I just barely inched my way out of trouble with the home life.

    I'm not very religious or anything but I hope the powers that be give me another chance to show that I can be someone other than this person. I'm really, really psyched about quitting this time because I know this behavior will get me in big trouble soon if I don't stop.

    So that's really about it for today... I'm going to take this opportunity very seriously since I have been very narrowly escaping getting into serious trouble lately. In that video, the guy says you have to be ready to never have another drink again and I think I am ready to commit to that. I've proven again and again that I have an infinite capacity for drinking and I'm never satisfied. As many times as I will try to disprove this fact, it will never work. When I drink, I don't stop and that's a fact. So I guess this time, I'll just never start.
     
  7. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Do you go to AA?
     
  8. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Be careful alcohol widthdrawl can have some serious physical complications,i suggest seeing your doc first.I wish you well.
     
  9. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    I went to AA once and the people were nice. But, their problems seemed to be a lot different then mine. Hard exactly to describe... We all obviously suffer from one thing in common but that was about it. Plus, it's sort of faith-based but it's not *my* faith. I just couldn't relate to it or anyone there. I know it does work for millions of people so I'm not knocking it.
     
  10. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    My only withdrawal symptom is anxiety and insomnia but I have those things regardless... Although I'm sure they would eventually disappear... or "will" I should say. Thanks for looking out for our well-being. :smile: Is this something that you have personal experience with?
     
  11. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Yes hun,and i got in real trouble when i tried to stop on my own,i had convulsions thats why i said to be careful,i wish you well hun,but if your drinking is bad see a doc first.
     
  12. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    If you were able to overcome addiction, why is your mood set to "sad?" :confused:
     
  13. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member

    Alcohol was a prob a long time ago,it was a crutch i used as a coping method that got out of hand and ,which added to my existing probs,yes i overcome the drink but my other probs are more deep routed.
     
  14. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Well, today will be my second day of not drinking. I'm pretty confident about it. I'll be working almost the whole day then just going to bed I guess. I hope forpetessake will be coming back to the post today. :)
     
  15. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    i think going cold turkey won't last. better to cut down gradually so that the withdrawal effects are not so severe. 90% then one week later 80% etc. One week at a time.
     
  16. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I cannot do that. I won't cut down at all. I've tried that dozens of times. After about 4-5 drinks, the only place I'm going is 12-15. I don't really get withdrawal effects like other people I guess. And I've always had, even since I was younger, a huge capacity to drink which is a little odd as I'm not a real big guy. [shrugs] Anyhow... :cool:
     
  17. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I'm here. I did drink last night. The funny thing is that all the signs were around me to not drink. You had this great idea and it is rocks. And then when I got home last night, shortly after my neighbor rang my doorbell and wanted to know if I would take him to an AA meeting as he is an alcoholic too. I turned him down...saying I wasnt ready yet. Truth is, I wasnt as I had 2 24 oz cans of Steel Reserve chilling in the fridge.

    Good news is that today is another day. I dont plan on drinking today.
     
  18. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Well, that's probably the equivalent of about eight regular beers I guess. I have failed a zillion times but I just can't anymore. I could have gotten arrested or in big trouble the other night and I just can't do it anymore. Plus, I've got friends AND business people waiting on me for years to get out of this... I mean... How long can they be expected to wait? I can't live like this so.... I think, honestly, that this time I really am going all the way.

    :wootrock:
     
  19. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest


    Your posts so far have been definately upbeat and positive. You seem to have a desire for enjoyment out of life. I hope I can get to that point. But at the same time, my depression scares me to try.
     
  20. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Well although I am not on an antidepressant, though I sometimes have wondered if I should be, my ADHD medicine has helped me tackle that aspect of my problems. Without it, I would get so worked up that I basically could not function. In fact... Well yeah... I'm a really active overacheiver... So I do have a great desire to suceed and basically do better than everyone else and some would say I'm an egotist. But I think that's a good thing. Because you can't always trust people anyhow so you might as well trust yourself.
     
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