Title says it all... I hope its not too long for a first time. Anyways I'll post the first one now and the rest with the replies. Even a person like me has feelings, but even though it seems that i have feelings, why do i wonder what does it feel like to be loved? In the deepest part of my twisted mind there's... there's a monster craving for love, with empty eyes, empty tears, he claims to protect me, the only thing he does is just destroy there's no monsters, there's just me, who desires to live, who desires to be happy, who desires to be loved, I desire to feel, no matter how much i crave, there seems to be no hope, that monster inside of me. No, me, myself wants to be accepted or perhaps... yes i'd rather be burned by this desire, this flame burns trough everything, I can feel, the walls that protected me have been destroyed, but even though now i can feel, why do i wish so much for destruction, is it hate? No. is it... love? No. It's me, the only way i can feel, is trough death, war, famine, what I always craved for, was not love... it was power... power to be free, power to protect myself, power to destroy myself power to make what's wrong right, this is my justice, destruction why myself being such an emotional person, wish for so much death, who am I reallly? Which is the mask, I have been wearing trough all this time? What do I want, I could say love, Yet, Hate has been making feel alive, All this time, have I been wrong over what to look for? Have I been wanting revenge so much? No, it's not revenge. It's the thrill, no! It's not that, although there's hope, there's also pain, pain is good, it reminds me what is good and bad... I'm grateful to what the world has given me, the chance to live, to be happy, to feel. However I still wish for death, famine, and war, Pain, Pain, I crave for pain, because... pain is what I breathe, it was that pain what has making me go on through all this years, so I guess I know nothing else, what is love? pure crap. In a world where things are more alive than people, things feed on people to keep on living. The thing I've been craving for, it was life Pain, Hate, Love, Health, Hunger, all those feelings I think I felt were they really true? it seems that I lack of true feelings... I don't really know. Love?Hate? I wish to destroy everything, I'm fed up with people, Loving, Hating, the truth is I envy them. Still, blood and corruption, that come along with power smell so good. Selfdestruction, No! Pure and simple destruction smell like that I've always wanted, Power. Maybe it was power, what I wanted, power to crush my feelings that are burden to me. Still I can't feel or perhaps I don't want to? Power to over come death. Logical thinking is something men invented to fool themselves into thinking the can understand or that they stand a chance, to then infinite knowdledge of the universe. TO escape inevitable death, to think that we are somehow useful, and live forever in our acomplishments, we believe logic and we crave for knowledge(power). But the truth is that there's nothing we humans can completely understand. Even a tiny bit of knowledge could burn us from our feet to our hair. AS LONG AS THERE IS GLUTTONY, GREED, SLOTH, LUST, PRIDE, ENVY AND WRATH. As long as we live in a paradox, where we use words to comunicate, but we lie. There's no room for in anywhere where we could live in harmony. We are dooomed to bring war, famine, disease and DEATH! We'll carry on with this until we understand(if it's posible/another paradox) and accept our true nature. The one of an ignorant.A blind ignorant. A lonely piano without a player, is like a man who knows no love. Death, oh sweet death! I chased you this long because you looked like the women I loved? Perhaps, but since she doesn't care, today I decided, Let's go out on a date. He calmly looks at the sky, he thinks of everything that's happenned. he suddenly realises he's nothing more than a big child, so focused in understanding everything, yet not being able to understand nothing but doubt itself. His death is unavoidable.Yet he refuses. He's scared to his bones and as a child, he'll be ruled by fear. As if everything that's left is to rotten... Silence may make it look like we are far away, almost different planets, one could say. But to me, you remain calmly starin' at my face just a few inches away. Even if it's just my memory. Life grants us the possibility of being alive, Life grants us the possibility of dieing, Therefore Life may possibily be a bitch. There two types of men, a "normal" man and a "real" man, the real men know how to ease sadness. Life is all about saying "I am myself" Honestly I want to stay awake, to face the moon with my pride. Today I want to stay awake, because sleeping is dying to me. Death may not only be the end, but. Yes, I wrote all of this stuff, long time ago, the earliest date from 3 years ago at least. Their are all little bits of bigger texts, except the first one which is the complete, I mean text.