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All out of ideas

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by deepfriedice, Jun 26, 2010.

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  1. deepfriedice

    deepfriedice New Member

    Hi all, I would appreciate anyone's advice on the situation I am in since I've been dealing with it for a couple months now and feel like I'm out of energy and resources.

    I had been living with my boyfriend of two and a half years and broke up with him two months ago. For the first month it was a workout trying to get him to come to terms with it...he called me constantly, and this frustrated me since the reason I broke up with him to begin with was so that I could be on my own for awhile, without any commitments. After all, I'm still only in my early 20's. I got more and more fed up every day with the tabs he was keeping on me and eventually started just telling him to go to hell, or ignoring his calls/messages altogether.

    One day I went over to see him and he confessed to me that he's attempted suicide twice since I left him. For the last month he's been begging me every day to go live with him again, and every time I tell him I don't want to he starts to threaten suicide again, saying that he doesn't have any reason to live if I'm not in his life. I can tell he really doesn't have any will to live anymore, but at the same time I don't feel its fair to me to go back to him just for the sake of him not committing suicide.

    One time I even called 9-11 because he called me right before work to say goodbye and told me he was about to go through with it, but wouldn't tell me where he was. They took him to the hospital once they found him but clearly it didn't do any good, because just a few days ago he called me and told me he was somewhere half an hour from here and about to do it.

    I'm exhausted mentally and physically. I tried to tell several of his family members what is going on but they refuse to take me seriously. My mom is super stressed from watching me deal with this 24/7 and I don't want to worry her anymore. My best friend I feel is also getting tired of me talking about this constantly, although he is far too wonderful to ever admit it.

    My ex-boyfriend didn't answer my calls all day yesterday and after work I went over to his apartment. I found him sprawled out on the floor and a suicide note left on the table, and nearly had a heart attack. I was eventually able to wake him up; turned out he just drank too much.

    This morning he didn't answer any of my calls either, and I was once again in a state of panic until he finally picked up somewhere around midday.

    Am I going crazy or am I justified in my worries? Are his threats real or are they just a way to guilt me into being with him again? I wish I knew. Now every time he asks me to go back to him I'm afraid to say "no" because of what I feel he might do, but out of self-respect for the decision I made I can't just say "yes" either.

    Everyone seems to be getting tired of watching me deal with this and I understand there isn't much anyone else can do for either one of us. How do I get rid of this constant fear that is consuming me and sends me into a state of panic if he doesn't respond to my calls within a couple hours?

    Sorry such a long post. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it!
  2. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    How many times has he attempted it? I'm leaning towards manipulation. It doesn't seem plausible that he can fail over and over again, and have no consequences. Think about the exams you go through after an attempt. If he's managed to convince them that he doesn't need a forcible intervention, he's either a.) fine, and trying to manipulate you b.) somehow, manipulating them
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    It could be that he is trying to manipulate you by threatening suicide, but there are many people on SF who are suicidal because they're girlfriend/boyfriend just broke up with them, so anything is possible. If you're feeling overwhelmed by him, then tell his parents and be done with him. It's really not your problem is he attempts again, since you guys broke up.
  4. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Maybe he just wants to feel loved and he goes to extremes to get that from others. I would just tell him that you love him and will be there and get him to promise you that he won't hurt himself. I did this with a friend of mine and I always used it when she talked about hurting herself. Make him promise he won't do anything. At least it will give you something to distract him if he gets desperate in a conversation. Sometimes people live up to their promises. he is obviously extremely unhappy.Some people need attention so much they will do anything. Try to feel compassion.Pray for him too. Maybe he will find something to live for and this will be a part of his life that passes.
  5. deepfriedice

    deepfriedice New Member

    Yeah, he has tried it twice, I think. My best friend is also leaning toward manipulation but its hard to get rid of that fear that the threats could be real, especially since every time I ask him to promise me he won't hurt himself he refuses to do so.

    Thanks for your input, guys. I appreciate you taking the time to read that book I wrote. I've been praying a lot and I hope things start looking up real soon. Thanks so much again.
  6. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Best of luck! I'll pray too~
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