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All too much

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Fitzy

Well-Known Member
#4
I'm in a hopeless mess. I have crushing debts - crazy spending and then ignoring my creditors, will become redundant in a few weeks, no job, might lose my home.
I am a useless pile of crap and I should be dead. I'm 52 and it's never going to get any better. I've been like this for forty years. I can't bear this.
I've spent all afternoon thinking about the best way to die.
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#5
get on the phone and get help to amalgamate all your debts into one okay so you are not overwhelmed with it all You have an illness and you can get helpl to control your spending credit advisor will help you okay call one
 

IV2010

Well-Known Member
#7
it feels overwhelming but it will help in the long run to do what Total said..
I'm a spendaholic too and I need therapy to help me with it...
all the debt in the world isn't worth killing yourself over.
please try other options first...
 

Fitzy

Well-Known Member
#8
TE & IV
You are both right - it just feels like too much right now. I am so ashamed of myself and how this affecting my daughter. Mind you I have given her thousands over the last few years - mostly to pay off her drugs habit (dealers don't want into any civilised agreement!)

I guess I can survive but I'm not sure how - I'm a mess and I despise myself.

I'd like to sleep it all away - sleep and never wake up.
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#9
I know but sleep will not get you out of all this you have to make that call okay and get some help to get your debt all in one so it is more manageable
You will feel so much better if you reach out now and get some help okay the credit advisors are so kind they help my twin get her debt paid off hugs
 

hollowvoice

Senior Member & Antiquities Friend
#11
thats good news fitzy
you can survive this with help
youve proved your capable of getting it together and the fact youve helped your daughter out so many times is great
now get yourself some help too so your 52 life can start at 53 right?
 

GoldenPsych

Well-Known Member
#14
What about a debt relief order or an IVA. If you already have defaults etc than you wont get credit for the next 6 years anyway. Not sure how works with a mortgage if you have one though. xx
 

Fitzy

Well-Known Member
#16
I've thought about an IVA but I've never heard of a debt relief order.
I am going to talk to CAB tomorrow, now that I have actualy looked at how much I owe (£30,000 and nothing to show for it!!!)

I'm really having a a hard time right now - I phoned Samaritans before but had to hang up because the guy was just so patronising.

I really want to die but my daughter would be destroyed but I'm starting to not care. I'm sick of never having my needs met; sick of having to be strong. I want someone to look after me - that's all I've ever wanted, all my life.

I have been thinking about my preferred method and resisting but I am cutting - just enough to feel physical pain. I've been drinking myself into a stupor the past few nights - it doesn't help but I do love the oblivion it brings.

I can't believe that I feel like this after all this time. I just want to be normal; to be loved and feel supported; to have no money worries.

And then I feel guilty because there are people who are in worse circumtances than I am in - but that's them and I'm me. That just proves what a shit person I am. I have sent some money to comic relief to assuage some of the guilt. But I still feel sorry for me; me - this pathetic little person. Me! What about me!!!!???? What about me?
 

IV2010

Well-Known Member
#17
Hey Fitzy...'What about me' an appropriate song
maybe time to look after you first and foremost... nurture yourself..care about you
It's hard because I also struggle with that...
are you seeing a councelor?
mine told me to nurture the child that's still within looking for love...
wish it was easier to love ourselves..
 
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