I'm in a hopeless mess. I have crushing debts - crazy spending and then ignoring my creditors, will become redundant in a few weeks, no job, might lose my home.
I am a useless pile of crap and I should be dead. I'm 52 and it's never going to get any better. I've been like this for forty years. I can't bear this.
I've spent all afternoon thinking about the best way to die.