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Allergic to life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by HungerGames, Dec 19, 2010.

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  1. HungerGames

    HungerGames New Member

    Hi yall new member.

    Let me premise with the obvious that for some time i have considered killing myself.

    I'd say the root of all my problem lies in Allergies, simple food allergies. From birth ive been highly allergic to a wide variety of food. somethings like wheat and eggs and corn will give me a rash and stomach problems, other things like milk and nuts will literally cause me to die. When i was younger it wasn't that bad an issue, i got by all right, my mom had similar problems and she was able to structure my life around it.
    As ive grown older (currently 26) my allergies (food and environmental) have gotten progressively worse. The norm is that as people grow older their allergies lessen but in my case i am the opposite. Things i was mildly allergic to as a child cause severe problems now, foods i was once able to eat, now give me problems. My body is so sensitive in the last few years that if i overeat any specific food for too long a duration and in too large of quantities, i develop an allergy to it.
    Im just about at my wits end with this. Whenever i meet someone new and the topic comes up the most common response is "i'd kill myself if i couldn't eat such and such", or they ask me "what can i eat". Which the list is dwindling.

    Of foods that i know of that i can eat with no negative effects are
    :Mammals, fish, leafy greens, *most green vegatables. Thats it.
    Things i can not Eat
    alcohol, Dairy(milk, cheese, ice cream), soy, *almost all fruits, nuts, grains (wheat, rice, potato, corn,etc.) poultry (chicken, turkey, etc.), shellfish, most spices, and the list goes on.

    The Depth on which this has affected my life, is staggering. About a year ago i was at the movies and a friend of mine started eating a bag of M&Ms and i had to leave because the smell of peanuts and chocolate made my face swell up and made it hard to breathe. i cant go into a coffee house for more than a couple min before i start having severe diffuculty breathing(about 1/2 my freinds work at a starbucks, and the rest of them hang out there all day :/ ). Every girl i become interested in and feelings begin to be reciprocated, my goddamn allergies ruin. oh wait you smoke ciggarettes, or own a dog/cat, or wear xyz perfume, or washed your clothes in xyz detergent or just at some chocolate?! then dont touch me you are the equivilent walking death to me and if im around you for more than the briefest amount of time iw ill need to go to the hosital. That always goes over real well.

    it is as if the earth itself does not want me here.

    The latter social effects this has had on me is increasingly becoming the stronger driving factor to check out early. The actual food part i can deal with. But the fact that it has transitioned from annoying dietary restrictions, to precluding me from enjoying a social life. Is whats really eating me up inside.

    Ive considered suicide from a young age. When i was little it was more of a curious fantasy, i am genuinely curious about what happens after death. But in recent years the anchors i once had to life are beginning to falter. i used the all too common "i dont want to hurt those i love by killing myself" anchor. but now... My mother is happily remarried and has grandbabies to play with, my best friend, who once upon a time, we were each others only friends, has lost 150lb and become the social butterfly, much in part i blame to me removing myself in large from his life. And my brother could very desperately use my saving to start his small business, and my death is the only feasible catalyst to give him my savings. So the people i once feared i would hurt, are in a different place in life and although im sure they would miss me, they would be able to get by alright.

    not a day goes by that this hasnt caused me to literally scream in anger/pain/frustration. Because i saw someone else happy with something that i dont/cant have.

    Is this all there is. Am i forever damned to live in a world of physical pain, and social avoidance?

    Any help, suggestions, or support would be greatly appreciated.
    And please remember that i want to want to live:laugh:
  2. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member


    earth wants you here ;) and i guess we all deal with different types of problems, and food diets, and how we deal with it, it's up to us. Though i cannot imagine not eating soy. Hm. i guess it's easier after a while, to deal with it? i mean, getting used to your diet and all. hm.

    and there should be no can't in your vocabulary ^^
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